Parenting as a Christian Single Dad

Tips for Making Time with God

1. Making going to church a priority! Many churches have several service times and some on Saturday nights. The also provide childcare. If going to church isn't an option at this point and time try watching a sermon on TV from a local church. You can also find sermons online but don't surf the Internet at the same time. Treat it as if you are really there with bible in hand.

2. Find a small group, bible study, to attend during the week! I go every other week on a day I don't have Madalyn. I look for groups that are close to where I live so it doesn't take long to get home afterward... I need my sleep.

3. Find time to read your bible! My daughter tends to be high maintenance so at times I feel I'm not able to read my bible or do many other things that need done. You would be surprised at the opportunities you may be passing up, I was. Trust me, I know there is always something that needs to get done but when you are nourishing the Spirit when you do get to those "to dos" they just go that much quicker and easier.

a) Make time in the morning, before the kids get up. I don't do this because I am not a good morning person, I wish I was but I like to hit the snooze way to much.

b) Chances are the kids are going to want to watch their favorite show or cartoon for a little bit when you get home. Instead of watching it with them or jumping into the chores spend the next 15 minutes or so of reading.

c) Read a chapter out loud to the kids at the dinner table while eating.

d) Take your bible to work and read on your break or lunch hour.

e) Buy an Apple iPod or MP3 Player, download sermons and listen to them while at work or the gym.

f) If your commute is long enough plan on listening to a NIV Audio Bible, to and from work. Get some good bible studies on CD.

g) Sing a worship song while making dinner... the kids might even join in.

h) Pray to God throughout the day with whatever comes to mind.

These are but a few tips... I am sure there are lots more. The point is to make God a priority every day. Now that I said that I would also like to add don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfect. We are saved by Grace not works.

Even though there is no shortage of resources on the internet or every where else for that matter about cooking I have decided since I really like to cook I am going to start a new section on healthy cooking and eating. Of course the healthy part may be up for debate however eventually I will have many fun and tasty recipes that I have enjoyed with my little girl. Yes, these have been child approved.

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup with Biscuits

Chicken Soup Ingredients

1 49.5oz can of chicken broth
2 cups chopped carrots
2 cups chopped celery
1 small chopped onion
2 6oz cooked and chopped chicken breast
2 cups egg noodles

Biscuit Ingredients

1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder (yes that is one and a half teaspoons, not one half)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons olive oil

While the chicken is cooking chop and combine all the ingredients except for the egg noodles into a 5.5 quart sauce pan (or whatever pan you have that is big enough). Once the chicken is done, chop it up and add it to the pot. Bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer for about 15 minutes. During this time prepare your biscuits (continued below). After the 15 minutes add your 2 cups of egg noodles and cook for about another 10 minutes.

Making the biscuits...
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (on bake). Mix the dry ingredients in a medium sized bowl then add the oil and milk, mix well. The dough may be a bit sticky but that is okay. Portion the dough out into a mini muffin pan, if you don't have one use a cookie sheet but try to make 10 to 12 muffins. Bake them for 10 or so minutes until they start turning brown. Serve with the soup.

Makes about 4 to 5 servings

Tips: I like to buy ready to cook and quick frozen chicken. All you have to do is throw it in the pan and cook. Feel free to get creative by adding other vegetables you and your kids like. In my opinion Tabasco never hurts anything just don't forget to dish up the kids' first. Top off your biscuits with a little dill weed for a different flavor or paprika for color (do this before baking).

Another year has passed and you would think getting through the holidays would just get that much easier. Unfortunately it isn’t always like that. Every where you turn families are preparing the way for a grand celebration. Even with the fun at hand there seems to be a bit of tension and stress around holiday season. For me it is the shuttling of Madalyn between mom and dads’ house that really gets to me.

Sometimes it is really hard because I would show up to the door to pick her up and she would kick and scream all the way to the car and home. Of course she was just having too much fun to leave. There is much to this co-parenting thing and if you have a good relationship with your ex then it makes things a lot easier. Unfortunately I don’t have that luxury at this point however, I have not let it stop me from doing the best I can.

1. Getting beyond the kicking and screaming – I have learned that children don’t like surprises. I am not talking about surprising them with a trip to Dairy Queen I am talking about a sudden change in activity. The sooner I can help prepare Madalyn for the change the better things have gone. For example; when I know that I will be picking her up or her mom is going to pick her up I prepare her a few days in advance and remind her until that time comes, “Daddy is picking you up tomorrow at four so be ready.” I also reinforce that throwing a fit is not okay. Since I have been doing this she listens really well and understands. Sometimes she is sad and says so and I completely understand but it passes and she soon finds her happy place again.

2. Be prepared for the worst – no parent likes to have to haul their kid to the car kicking and screaming but the sad truth is it happens. When I am prepared for the possibility I am able to react in a healthy way. There were times that I would snap at Madalyn and would always regret it later. Preparing for the worst has 2 parts; 1) I mentally prepare for it and remind myself that it is not personal – she is only four. 2) I prepare for her by bringing a nice little snack and her favorite stuffed Dora. It is hard for her to keep crying when she is popping jelly beans in her mouth and Dora is trying to tickle her.

3. Have an agenda – so what now… I am going over to daddy’s house to do what? I like to have a plan in motion whether we are going to stop by a family members for dinner, play some Chutes and Ladders, head off to the park, or maybe I have a special movie in mind. By sharing with Madalyn what I have in mind helps put her at ease. As she thinks about it she becomes less stressed about leaving her mom’s.

This has worked for me in the past and it can be used for other situations but I have found that the holidays are particularly more difficult and stressful for all involved.

I’ve noticed that at times I am an all or nothing kind of guy. If I can’t feed the world then why bother helping out at all or if I can’t care for a large group of people then why care at all. Sounds a bit harsh doesn’t it? Even a bit stupid. However I find myself in the frame of mind that more is better and if I can’t give everything in a perfect way then why give at all. I am learning that giving in small portions is okay and that God isn’t measuring what I am giving but the heart of giving.

I recently helped with a food pantry and the only shortage was food. As I saw all these families coming through and the shelves emptying all I could think about is what I would do if I were rich. Well of course I would fill the shelves with food. But obviously I am not rich so what is the point, I will keep on doing what I am doing which is literally nothing…. Back to the all or nothing concept.

So finally the church put out a call for food and I thought it was about time I stepped up to the plate. All they asked for was a commitment for each family to bring 1 can of food weekly. ONE CAN! Gee I can do that but will it really help? After seeing the stock pile last week it sure looks like it is going to make a difference and I started with a desire to help but was held back by limiting beliefs. By acting on the desire to give I have been able to feel better about serving God in small significant ways.

I am learning that if I don’t follow the desires that God is placing in my heart with the resources I have been blessed with then I am limiting the quality of my life. If I am not going to step up to the plate then God will find someone else to fill the gap.

Are you guilty of constantly revisiting the past? I know I can have my moments where revisiting the past becomes an issue. I mean it is okay to remember and learn from past mistakes but is it our mistakes that define us or what we learn from them. I hope because of some of the mistakes that I have made that I have become a better person, however when I revisit only to condemn myself or put myself in a negative light I am hurting myself. I don’t have to keep revisiting the shame of my past because God’s grace, His sacrifice on the cross, has freed me from this.

Why is it that the Creator of all things can forgive me yet I can’t forgive myself? Forgiveness equals Freedom! I long for this freedom and the peace and joy that comes with it. When I don’t forgive myself I will revisit the shame of my past and I will continue to live in bondage preventing God to fully utilize me.

When we learn from our mistakes, which we all make, and we set our eyes on the future rather than the past we can discover who we are meant to be and actually make a difference. By doing what God has called us to do we can affect change in the people around us and the world. Granted we may not always be around to see it but nevertheless it is happening.

God help me to stop looking at my past, help me to see me as you see me and use me for your purpose. May I not seek the things of the world but the things that will bring you glory and joy. May I do your will for the good of the kingdom. Please bring people in my life to help during this journey, ones that will mentor to me and ones that I can mentor too. We are a new creation in you God! Thank you for your loving grace and all the good you have brought out of a life filled with mistakes and shame.

Amen

Here is another prayer that a pastor friend of mine found. It seems to be popular on the internet however, I have never seen it.

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.

Franciscan Benediction

Really not much to mention here except the fact that I love fall but this year has been crazy. So far it seems we are going from summer to luke warm back to summer. Somehow the trees know that fall is here but I just don't feel it. We are going from a beautiful week where playing outside was a must to it could snow down here in Boise Idaho. Snow is winter and I don't think I am quite ready for that. Especially since I have not gotten the sprinklers blown out yet. Thank God for all wonderful seasons.

Over the years people have come in and out of my life and at times I wonder where they went… Did I do something to drive them away, did they get bored with me or could it be that the task they were sent to do has been completed and it was time for them to move on?

I have learned that God looks at the big picture when I am incapable of even fathoming the big picture. Even though God did not plan for my marriage to fail He foresaw it and planned for it. Ultimately I was supposed to learn something and become more Christ-like from the experience. Maybe I was supposed to learn something about other people, maybe something about me, or both. I am leaning towards both, I hope that God will use what I have gone through to help others, that is if I allow it. Sometimes I really need to put myself out there and I am not good at stepping outside of my comfort zone. But I have noticed that God is bringing people to me that are in a lot of pain and instead of me helping them they seem to be helping me. Their faith, hope, and outlook on life is encouraging. A blessing that makes me smile from ear to ear. God is using people all around the world to touch one another, help one another, mold us, teach us, comfort us, etc. At times things seem beyond hope until you look back a year later and see the tremendous progress you made and the people’s lives that have touched you and vice versa.

We all don’t have a Billy Graham or Chuck Smith ministry that touches millions but we do have a ministry that is just as important. The way we live our lives is our ministry, the people we interact with on a daily basis, how we treat our family… These are all important ministries. I know I have far to go obviously being divorced I have failed at my first marriage but I have learned tremendously! I have learned what love truly is and am eager to give all that I can. I have been blessed with a wonderful little girl that has completely melted my heart. I have learned compassion for the parent in the grocery store whose child is throwing fit.

A child can give great lessons on patience, compassion, love, long suffering - the fruits of the Spirit!

The point is we are all working for a greater good and God is using us whether we know it or not. As Christians we can rest assured that God is completing the good work that He started in us. Even when things seem to be falling apart… Maybe those are the times we learn the best.