Coming to Terms with Child Custody

I did something yesterday that I never thought I would do... I called my ex to come get our little girl early, I even gave up the rest of my weekend. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I feel like a complete scum bag. I have always thought I was the stable one, the one that would always be there for Madalyn but for some reason yesterday I just couldn't handle it. All Madalyn wanted was to be with her mom. She knew her mom was coming to get her for the holiday, so she would sit at the window and watch or constantly check the clock. This is after she just spent 4 days with her mom. I struggle with this all the time. I feel that the time I spend with Madalyn is good and I know she loves me so why do I get upset when she just wants to be with her mom? I know! Because I am selfish and immature.

Here is how it was explained to me: 98% of little girls are more attached to their mothers! Period!

I have been able to handle the divorce and all that went on but for some reason I can't find solid ground when it comes to Madalyn. I can't come to terms with only having 50% custody and I most certainly can't come to terms that she prefers to be with her mother!

Living Single – Feeling Left Out

Last night I attended a church meeting hoping to make some connections. Since my divorce a couple years ago I have struggled with making new contacts and friends. I have noticed that my patience for people has even diminished causing me to isolate myself more than normal. I guess I have lost confidence in others because of the divorce. To be honest I really didn’t pay much thought to it but recently I have begun to examine myself to see if I can figure out what is going on. The meeting was good but unfortunately the group was not what I was looking for. I was surrounded by people in their 20’s and/or families in their 30’s.

As a single parent I really feel left out, even more so as a single dad. There seems to be a class or a group for single women but rarely for single dads. I would love a class like that! As a man living single is very hard. I really want to do what is right but I struggle with desires and female companionship. I often pray to God to help me be happy with where I am at in life and to live for Him. I don’t understand why I am drawn to be married as much as I am. It is like a curse and some days I just want to go crazy. I am a major introvert and I can be happy with very few people in my life and maybe that is part of my problem. I feel that all I need is a spouse and a family to be completely happy and fulfilled. I don’t care if I have a lot of friends and to be honest I don’t know how I would have the time for them all. I actually enjoy the challenges of marriage and working to be the best husband and father possible.

Biblically there are reasons to stay single and Paul considered himself blessed because of his singleness (1Cor 7:7-8). Many people are called to serve God as a single person and they do it great with no regret. If that is the life God has for me then I pray that He would remove this desire! I have never felt so blocked in my life…

Biblically there are many reasons to get married:

1. Dangers of temptation
2. Loneliness
3. Self-centeredness

I struggle with all the above and as self-critical as I am I can often feel like a bad Christian. I know God’s grace is there for me and He loves me. I know I should be focusing on serving Him rather than myself but I often fall short. I know there is a lesson to be learned here and God is working on me but the answers aren’t there. What do I need to do?

Online Auctions

This past couple years the more I read about eBay I am finding out that they seem to be upsetting a lot of their sellers. With fees and automatically returning customers money that complain about any little thing. I completely think that internet shoppers need to be protected but when you buy from online auctions you have to expect a ding or a chip, especially if it is USED! Nevertheless, I have been known to shop online quite a bit and I came across a new online auction site called SWOOPO. It is kind of cool. It has a nice clean look and is easy to navigate so if you are maybe looking for a new place to shop check it out. Register at Swoopo.com now for great discounts!

Unconditional Love

I spent some time contemplating what it would be like to be loved unconditionally. Sometimes I struggle with the desire to be loved and hence my pursuit for a mate when I realized that I already have that love in my life. I know God loves me unconditionally but I struggle with receiving that love. I know through miracles and circumstances in my life that He is looking out for me and all the blessings He has given me but what about human companionship? So it hit me… As I am watching Madalyn run through the play ground, I have the proud father smile going, Madalyn is that reflection of unconditional love. No matter how badly I have screwed things up she comes back to her daddy with love. Sure there are times she doesn’t like me and she makes that perfectly clear but I know she loves me as I love her. I have been looking for something that has been right in my face for so long. Its so weird how that happens. The biggest blessing that God has given me was a child that loves her dad. Now I know this may change in the teenage years but I have a bit of time to worry about that. For now I am going to enjoy that love and not worry so much about everything else.

Conspiracy Theory

I am not one of those people who like to stir up trouble or do I like to go against our government but over the years I have become aware of so many things that just aren't right. I have lost faith in our government and I guess that is alright because we all know that the Lord has to return soon and He isn't coming to a world filled with joy and peace but a world in crisis, sin, and hate.

I thought long and hard about adding the following videos to my blog in fear of offending people but I really think there is a lot of truth to them. They are disturbing to watch and stir up emotion, at least in me they did but it is important to know what could really be going on. I can't believe that the world crisis we are seeing is an accident. We aren't that ignorant or stupid to allow this thing to happen again and again. It was planned! Revelations is happening right before our eyes and it may be closer than we think. Please don't post comments to this post if they are mean and I am not looking for a political debate.

We know that God will judge the world and if you make it through the videos you may find that you are compelled to pray. The end result is inevitable but we can pray that God's will be done. We can't change what is to come but we can prepare ourselves and family for Jesus' return!

Yoga Class

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with getting a good night sleep. I have tried everything but recently I decided to give yoga a try. I have had hangups about yoga because of the so called spiritual aspect of it but I have found that there are programs out there that focus on the physical, no chanting or meditating. I have gone a couple times and I am impressed on the impact it has had on my body. I feel so much more relaxed, as for sleep I have noticed an improvement yet there is still room to improve.