Parenting as a Christian Single Dad

I spent three years of my life with my wife not nurturing or building friendships and now as I sit here, in this coffee shop, I notice that I am alone and meeting people is not one of my strengths. I have no idea what I am going to do to meet women...I have thought about playing a clutz and trying to get some sympathy dates but I don't know if that is me. I do have a cute little girl but that hasn't helped when in public, she must be to well behaved. :-)

For me it is hard to get out in public, especially alone. So sitting here in this coffee shop is a great plus for me. I need to get outside my comfort zone and take some chances, I know forsure that I won't meet anyone cooped up at home watching a movie.

this is good for me even though most of the people around me are 10 to 15 years younger than I. I must really have guts...

Here it is almost Friday, just two more days and I get to spend the week with Madalyn. I bet if anybody ever reads this blog they are going to get sick with all the talk about missing my kid but I tell you what I sure do miss her and look forward to the next time I get to see her.

I used to get angry at my ex when she would not make it to pick up Madalyn becuase she got a better offer or just simply wanted to interfere with my plans. Now that I don't get to see Madalyn everyday I welcome her to get her priorities out of wack...I know it sounds selfish but I truly believe that someday I will have full custody of Madalyn because my ex is immature and selfish. In the past she has struggled with putting her children first or even second for that matter. I just want to be there for Madalyn and do the best job that I can and I know she needs her mom but she also needs stability.

I pray to God that He will bless me with the woman of His choosing this time, I just need to be patient. So I guess this is a count down to a couple of things, the next time I get to see Madalyn and the day I am blessed with my mate. :-)

Someone once told me that people would rather be right than happy. I pondered this for awhile and found much truth in it. Ofcourse thinking about myself there have been plenty of times that had to be right and the other person must know that I am right. How much of my relationship was about being right??

Rather be right than happy...no longer! I choose happiness. Being right is not all that is cracked up to be. It is okay to be right but if you have to make a choice than there typically is someone involved that must be wrong. Most of us don't like to be told they are wrong I know I didn't, especially when I thought I was right.

I feel like I am going in circles here trying to explain this to myself. I choose to be happy, I choose to enjoy this very moment and not feel sad or betrayed, I choose to look forward to my future and watching Madalyn grow up, God willing. I am in control of what I feel and do. I can choose to make the right decision or not.

More and more I am becoming aware of this. As I go for my afternoon walk at work I often find myself thinking on matters that I should not be thinking on. I typically get frustrated or sad. Then I stop and I think I choose to enjoy this very moment and the sun beating on my face. Often times that is enough to snap me out of it and start thinking about more productive issues.

Monday's are always the worst for me. Work sucks, I just went through another weekend without a date and I miss my kid. I was only married for 3 years so you would think that I would still know how to atleast talk to women. Well I don't...I don't even know where to meet them. I don't drink and church seems to be an akward place plus what if they are married. Ahrg!! I guess I better stop feeling sorry for myself but I would sure like some tips

Currently I have 50% custody of Madalyn and I get her every other week. There is nothing more I look forward to is the weeks I get her and there is nothing I dread more than when she goes back to her moms.

I am told that these feelings will become easier to deal with but I have not been able to feel it. She keeps me on schedule and I seem to be so much more productive when she is around. The weeks I don't have her just seem to be a mess, nothing gets done and I sometimes just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Yes cry...

My ex-wife is often times unstable. In my mind she is bi-polar but she refuses to do anything about it and she often handles things as a teenager. I have seen her push her two other children, from two previous marriages, away and I hurts me terribly. She has taken on the victim persona and everything that happens to her is someone elses fault. The point I am leading towards is that there have been instances where she has pushed Madalyn away and in time I feel I will have full custody. Selfishly I look forward to this and pray to be prepared but I often look at Madalyn and know that she needs her mom.

Is it worth having full custody of my little girl only if she is going to be sad and miss out on what her mom has to offer. I worry for them both and I hope my ex can rebuild her relationships with her kids and grow up. I pray for that as well and I am ready if God brings Madalyn home to me.

It appears I got off on a bit of a tangent but the point is I miss my kid and I struggle with letting her go back to her moms. Sometimes it even makes me bitter and I ask myself, "why?" I tried to make the marriage work she is the one that bailed...why should she get to have Madalyn 50% of the time? Anyhow, I know it is good for Madalyn and I guess I should think of her needs and not my selfish bitter motives.

UPDATE: 9/16/2008
I have learned a lot since I made this post. It is okay to miss Madalyn and each day brings something new. Madalyn is doing pretty darn good and as long as I remain productive when she is not with me so do I. Even if I pop in a movie and be lazy. The bitterness has gone and I am okay!

I would of thought that I learned that I am not the best suited person to give a hair cut. Even if the victim, I mean person, is only two years old. I remember the first time I gave Madalyn a hair cut, four months ago, and well it did not turn out so hot.

Her bangs were hanging in her face and she was constantly brushing her hair out of her eyes so while I was giving her a bath I decided to cut her bangs. For many of you that are much smarter than I you probably see where I ran into trouble and no it wasn't trrying to get a two year old to stay still.

Hair looks a lot longer when it is wet, I have not idea why, so I chose a good starting point everything looked good and I "trimmed" her bangs. The funny thing is when her hair dried she absolutely had no bangs they were completely gone. That poor girl if she would of been older she would of disowned me all I could hope was that my EX did not kill me, and to be honest I thought she might.

At this point all I could hold on to was the fact that they would grow back and for about three weeks I felt so bad for this kid. In all honesty have you ever gone into a daycare and seen any child with a good hair cut?? I think there is a whole bunch of do it yourselvers out there whom are just winging it like me.

Anyways you would of thought that I learned my lesson then but hey, I enjoy a bit of excitement every know and then so I took it upon myself to give Madalyn another hair cut. Not only did I do her bangs but I took about two inches off her back. Man I think I got the hang of it. It doesn't look to bad and I waited for it to be dry so hopefully there won't be too many suprises. Anyhow I guess the point is be very careful when cutting wet hair and if you do screw it up remember it will grow back.

Update: 9/16/08
The most important thing I learned is that: don't cut hair when wet and more importantly, IT DOES GROW BACK! So dads don't worry to much, the kid won't be scarred for life.

I never thought I would be sitting here as a dad of one little beautiful girl and divorced. Being a Christian I thought that if I married a Christian then the chances of divorce were greatly reduced. Well I learned that lesson the hard way...After doing some research I found that the divorce rate among Christians is just as high as non-Christians, 50%. I created this blog to help me chart my progress or lack there of. My main concern is for raising my little girl the best I can and not letting to many of my imperfections rub off on her. Constructive comments and advice are very welcome.

Oh and Madalyn loves the zoo so there will probably be lots of talk and pictures about the zoo. Of course children seem to change their minds a lot of what they like to do so who knows what her next fad will be...