Parenting as a Christian Single Dad

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be...Lion

Ain't that the truth :-)

Found some old pictures of Madalyn, I guess they really can't be that old cause she is only 2, which brings me to my topic. Where the heck does the time go? I can remember back to these days....


and these days...



It is amazing as I watch her grow up I feel that I have been stuck in this rut, constantly trying to climb only to slip back down. It is important for me to continue to try and get out. Settling is not an option, God has too much for my life and the more I watch my little girl grow up I understand more and more God's love for me.

More often than not I sit in awe and enjoy Madalyn's company and think that this is exactly what God wants me to do with Him. Sometimes I try and hide my disappointment in myself and even God but that is silly, God knows all. I am only fooling myself. Stepping up to the plate and being real with God is where it is. Yes, Unlike God, I do have faults and I will let my little girl down but I will always give it my best to be the Godly daddy she deserves and needs. Life is about growing, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

In conclusion, my little girl isn't so little any more...

Unless a father accepts his faults he will certainly doubt his virtues...Hugh Prather

I know I have faults and I hate it when I express them in front of Madalyn. I struggle with them and I don't like to be less than perfect or not the loving father I want to be all the time. I feel terrible when I act childish and harsh to Madalyn, which I should feel that way, but then I am super hard on myself for behaving that way. I hope that Madalyn will forgive me for my mistakes and I guess even more so I need to forgive myself.

To become a father is not hard, to be a father is, however...Wilhelm Busch

Building with anticipation and excitement as my time to go pick up Madalyn grows nearer and nearer. I look forward to seeing her and picking her up giving her a big hug. I understand that it will be difficult at times during the exchange but it doesn't seem to make it easier.

So in my excitement I am faced with, "I want mommie". I tell you what I do not like those three words much. My heart just dropped. I realized that the moment I heard those three words I judged myself as a father and I found my self lacking. I know it isn't true. I provide well for Madalyn and I know whe loves me. Sometimes growing up is hard to do, even for daddies...

"A child is not likely to find a father in God unless he finds something of God in his father"....Glen Wheeler

Today was the first day I took Madalyn swimming. I was very nervous for some reason, I guess I did not know how she would react. I find that she is becoming fearful of things she used not to be; water, bugs, etc...I care about her and worry so much and I try to make sure that I lend all the support I can so she doesn't fear so much. I don't know if this is just a phase but I am new at this parenting thing and I never thought I would be doing it alone.

Back to the swimming...It went pretty darn good. Of course I forgot to brings toys, I thought daddy would be enough but I wasn't. She was more concerned about me "getting her". Must of happened once in the past or something :-) I enjoy every minute with that kid. Next time I will bring the toys!

Anyhow, as I sit here and contemplate I realize that I have a lot of fears of my own. When did I ever think in the past that taking my daughter swimming would make me nervous? I am fearful that she won't have fun with me like she does with her mom and half sisters. I don't always think that I have much too offer, except for love and stability but she can't understand that, can she?? For me being with Madalyn is a privelage and blessing and I hate the fact that I only get that 50% of the time.

I never knew I could feel the way I do about certian things anymore. When it comes to Madalyn I am an emotional roller coaster. I was so excited to go and pick her up tonight that I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. It is amazing how in the midst of what seems to be turmoil things can happen that make me overwhelmed with joy.

As I give my munchkin a big hug and watch some Little Einstein which by the way is not to bad. She really enjoys it and the show interacts with the viewers, teaching new words, art, and music. They are kind of expensive, the same price as normal DVD's but I think i am going to spoil Madalyn for a bit...

I have not been known to really like children much, except for my own, but that is changing daily. It amazing me just how smart and funny they can be. I am glad that I am a dad.