Parenting as a Christian Single Dad

How Much is Too Much?

2011-05-21T08:28:00.001-07:00

It is common for parents to be a little confused when it comes to
deciding how much is too much with reference to after school activities.
They argue that since most of the activities are fun (as different from
studies), children will simply lap up these classes. But, too much fun
can wear down your child. Here is a simple guide that will help you
decide how much is too much for your child.

Kindergarten:
Your child is just beginning to learn to interact and get used to
discipline. His or her after-school life should be simple and carefree.
One or two classes per week are enough at the beginning. Once the child
settles down, look for more challenging activities like a music program.

Grade 1:
One or two activities per week, play dates and playground visits are
recommended. Avoid competitive sports activities. The child is still too
young to have to worry about winning and losing. After the rigors of a
full day at school, he or she needs a healthy outlet for pent up energy.
Physical activities and noncompetitive sports are best for this age.

Grade 2:
Your child is old enough to voice opinions on what activities he or she
wants. Sports, skating, swimming or computers - steer him towards things
he likes. Many children begin lessons on a musical instrument around this
age. But, allow your child some 'alone time' during which he can unwind
and just do whatever he wishes.

Grade 3:
Socialization begins to take center stage. Team sports are a good choice.
Developing motor skills, painting, drawing etc are good too. Let the child
explore areas of interests. But leave aside enough time for the family and
for fun activities.

Grade 4:
At this age, the child will tell you what he likes. He needs to get
involved in activities that will boost his confidence. This will also help
him manage stress as this is the time when social pressure is beginning to
build. But, beware of the homework demon. Your child needs more time with
his studies. Balancing his schoolwork with other activities is very
important.

Grade 5:
The fifth grader is bubbling with energy and will want to do just
about everything. But she or he may conveniently push studies to the
background. So, close supervision is needed. Keep one or two days free for
family time and other activities. Now is a great time to get your child
interested in community service.

Middle school:
Steer him away from TV. Get him engaged in activities that reinforce
learning. Academic performance can be improved by encouraging your preteen
to join clubs like the Girl/Boy Scouts program, language clubs, chess
clubs etc. As a thumb rule, 16-20 hours a week of extra activity should be
more than enough. But look out for signs of burnout.

What you select for your child and how long he should work at it is
basically decided by the child's temperament. As a parent, you should
closely observe your child and base your decisions on feedback from the
child himself. Teach them how to set and achieve healthy short and long-term goals that will benefit them for years to come.

Breaking Bad Habits

2011-04-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that we are creatures of habit? Whether our habits are good, bad or indifferent we all have them. Some are subtle while others are obvious and even offensive. Habits are developed over the years from the teaching our parents pass down, outside influences, observations and (of course) practice. The many habits we develop throughout our lives influence our relationships and quality of life so it is important to evaluate them from time to time and replace bad habits with good ones.

Read full article: How to Break a Bad Habit

Helping Children of Divorce

2011-04-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

Children need a great deal of support when a divorce is taking place. Surround them with resources to choose from and talk to them about additional help they may need. If they don’t have someone to talk to or they aren’t ready to open up to you then see if they are interested in seeing a professional counselor. The point is to give them an outlet to deal with what is going on in their life at this time. If you have more than one child it is likely that they will have different needs so stay in tune to the. It is important to remember that they will need this support long after the divorce has concluded. Just like with divorcing parents, their feelings don’t get turned off when the divorce is finalized.

Read full article: Children Support: During and After Divorce

Difference Between Depression and Grief after Divorce

2011-04-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

There is no doubt that you will feel depressed and grief when going through a divorce. You will feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. You will likely have a physical reaction to the grief such as; trouble sleeping, lack of appetite, dry mouth, trembling, muscle weakness, trouble breathing, and nausea. The whole situation and subsequent ones may make you angry. You might even feel anger towards your ex, yourself or just be angry. Almost everyone in grief will also experience guilt, which is often expressed as, “I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have” statements.

Read full article: The Difference Between Grief and Depression

Communicating with Your Child

2011-03-10T07:02:00.001-08:00

One of the biggest challenges for single fathers these days (parents in general) is communicating effectively with their child. We all strive for open and honest communication but become frustrated when it appears their attention is somewhere else and they aren’t listening. Yet we seem to find it perfectly acceptable to discuss things with them while we are reading the paper, doing the laundry, picking up the house, working on the computer, watching TV and then wonder where the line of communication broke.

Read the Full Article: Successful Father Child Communication

Benefits of Online Journaling

2011-03-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

Online journaling is healing for me and it makes me consider the situations I encounter with the end result in mind. For example: I no longer just say, “I am angry.” I try to figure out why, lessons learned, and how this can help others. Publishing this website has done more than help me to grow but it has brought new people into my life. I feel we all have a purpose; a godly mission and there is a reason for everything that happens.

Read the Full Article: Online Journaling is Healing

Life After Divorce

2011-03-03T10:56:00.001-08:00

Christian life after divorce is what we make of it. If we hold on to the bitterness and hatred then our spiritual walk won’t be very fulfilling. But if we seek God and learn to reach out to others we are going to live a rewarding life. I know it isn’t always easy… There were plenty of Sunday’s I didn’t make it to church and felt like giving up. But those feeling fade and if you know the truth then you never want to truly let that go. Just do what you can and never give up.

Read full article: Christian Life After Divorce

ld Top 5 Illnesses Why Children Miss School

2011-03-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

The common cold - There are times you think that your children are always sick or that they seem to be getting sick more than normal but that doesn’t mean things aren’t as they should be. Children typically have anywhere from six to ten colds each year with more severe and long lasting symptoms than adults. Symptoms typically improve for your child within a week.
Ear infection - An inner ear infection is most common for children between the ages of 4 months and 5 years old. An ear infection is caused by bacteria or viruses. When these germs make their way to the inner ear it fills with fluid causing pressure which can hurt. They often clear up without antibiotics but it is still a good idea to check with your doctor, especially if they keep coming back.
Stomach flu - None of us like to get the stomach flu and it is the second most common childhood illness. It is always important to watch your children when they have the stomach flu for signs of dehydration.
Sore throat - Sore throats are often a sign of another illness and they usually go a way on their own. Some sore throats are a sign of strep throat, which are common in children between the ages of 5 and 15.
Pink eye - Pink eye is also known as conjunctivitis and is caused by viruses and bacteria. It is an inflammation of the clear membrane that covers the white part of the eye and lines the inner surface of the eyelids; it is considered highly contagious. Applying warm or cool compresses to they eyes may alleviate the symptoms such as itchiness.

Read Full Article: Most Common Illnesses in Children

Is Your Family Healthy

2011-02-24T19:23:00.000-08:00

Maybe you have been considering making a lifestyle change for you and your family. You have realized that you don’t look and feel as good as you used too or your children seem to have turned into junk food junkies. As parents you can take action but you need to do it as a family and you must be a positive role model for your children.

For some families getting healthy is a major lifestyle change. But that should not deter you from proceeding. You have much more control than you may think but it will take some discipline. You can turn off the TV and take the kids to the park or go for a walk. Limit the amount of video games your children play and encourage them to go out and kick the ball around.

When it comes to cooking serve more vegetables and get back to the basics. Eat foods in the right proportions and don’t over do it.

Read Full Article: Jump Start Your Family on a Healthy Lifestyle

Full Time Single Dad

2011-02-24T08:22:00.000-08:00

Recent events have put me in a place of confusion. My ex-wife has informed me that she is moving away at the end of the month. Madalyn has 2 days left to spend with her mom until who knows when. She has not attempted to discuss visitation or how she is going to be part of Madalyn's life which really bothers me.

Fear is really starting to kick in... How will I cope with my daughter's missing her mom? What should I do? Will I make both a great dad and mom? When will I have time for adult interaction? Is it wrong to want to re-marry so Madalyn can have a womanly influence in her life?

These questions and many more are running through my head. I am in uncharted territory but then again isn't that is how most of life is. Prayers are always welcome!

Come On Spring

2011-02-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

I just say it is that time of the year again when I am anxious for spring time. I want to feel that warm sun on my face and get out and play. Madalyn is going to finish up her first year of Kindergarten and she is doing great. I bet first grade will be a shock for her, having to go all day long. Just think in another 4 years I can probably stop paying for child care. It will be like getting a nice raise. :-)

WHY DON'T YOU LAUGH?

2011-01-24T10:49:00.000-08:00

From the "Independent"

"Why don't you laugh, young man, when troubles come, Instead of sitting 'round so sour and glum? You cannot have all play, And sunshine every day; When troubles come, I say, why don't you laugh?

"Why don't you laugh? 'T will ever help to soothe. The aches and pains. No road in life is smooth; There's many an unseen bump, And many a hidden stump O'er which you'll have to jump. Why don't you laugh?

"Why don't you laugh? Don't let your spirits wilt; Don't sit and cry because the milk you've spilt; If you would mend it now, Pray let me tell you how: Just milk another cow! Why don't you laugh?

"Why don't you laugh, and make us all laugh, too, And keep us mortals all from getting blue? A laugh will always win; If you can't laugh, just grin,-- Come on, let's all join in! Why don't you laugh?"

Encouragement

2011-01-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

The new year is a time for change and I wanted to express encouragment to those that are looking to improve the quality of their lives. I have struggled with many things in my past, actually still do, but I have overcome because I had the encouragement and support to trade bad habits for good. One of the leading things that hurt families this day and age is parents who smoke and I want to share a website, Stop Smoking Tips, for those people looking to quit. Children should not suffer because their parents are addicted to nicotine and it affects them much more than you realize. For additional information check out the Health Effects of Smoking.

I hope everyone's new year is blessed.

Consider This

2011-01-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

you may not have agreed with the war, but.........................

You're a 19 year old kid.

You're critically wounded and dying in
the jungle somewhere in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam .

It's November 11, 1967.
LZ (landing zone) X-ray.

Your unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense from 100 yards away, that your CO (commanding officer) has ordered the MedEvac helicopters to stop coming in.

You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you're not getting out.

Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again.

As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.

Then - over the machine gun noise - you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter.

You look up to see a Huey coming in. But.. It doesn't seem real because no MedEvac markings are on it.

Captain Ed Freeman is coming in for you.

He's not MedEvac so it's not his job, but he heard the radio call and decided he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire anyway.

Even after the MedEvacs were ordered not to come. He's coming anyway.

And he drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 3 of you at a time on board.

Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire to the doctors and nurses and safety.

And, he kept coming back!! 13 more times!!
Until all the wounded were out. No one knew until the mission was over that the Captain had been hit 4 times in the legs and left arm.

He took 29 of you and your buddies out that day. Some would not have made it without the Captain and his Huey.

Medal of Honor Recipient, Captain Ed Freeman, United States Air Force, died last month at the age of 70, in Boise , Idaho

May God Bless and Rest His Soul.

I bet you didn't hear about this hero's passing, but we've sure seen a whole bunch about Lindsay Lohan, Tiger Woods and the bickering of congress over Health Reform.

Medal of Honor Winner Captain Ed Freeman

Shame on the American media !!!

Grocery Coupons

2011-01-01T23:44:00.001-08:00

Here is a website that offers grocery coupons that you can have mailed directly to your home.

Hurry Up and Get Over With

2010-12-28T08:15:00.001-08:00

One of the worst things about being a single parent, sharing custody of your child is not being able to be with them over the holiday. Of course each parent should be able to spend quality time with the children but it sure makes for a long holiday. It is kind of sad to wish the holidays would get over with simply so I can get back to a regular schedule with my daughter.

On another note I hope everyone had a super Christmas and plans on having a safe new year. Remember this is the time to make new year’s resolutions and set short-term goals for the year. Don’t let lack of motivation steal your dreams away; get pumped and motivated so you can meet, even exceed your own expectations.

God Bless and Happy Holidays…

Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act

2010-12-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON — The House of Representatives Thursday passed S. 3307, The Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act. The legislation, passed unanimously by the Senate in August, makes the largest investment in child nutrition programs since their inception.

“This is an historic victory for our nation’s youngsters,” said Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack. “This legislation will allow U.S.D.A., for the first time in over 30 years, the chance to make real reforms to the school lunch and breakfast programs by improving the critical nutrition and hunger safety net for millions of children.

“When President Obama first asked me to be the Secretary of Agriculture, he identified healthier school meals as one my top priorities and together with First Lady Michelle Obama’s Lets Move! initiative, this administration has made it a goal to end childhood obesity within in a generation.
“Our national security, economic competitiveness and health and wellness of our children will improve as a result of the action Congress took today.”

Many within the food industry greeted passage of the legislation with enthusiasm.

“We applaud the U.S. House of Representatives for approving The Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act as it contains important policy changes that lay the groundwork for the modernization of the Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) program, a long-standing initiative that helps provide healthy, nutritious foods to more than 9 million women and children every year,” said Leslie G. Sarasin, president and chief executive officer of the Food Marketing Institute. “F.M.I. has long supported the transition of the WIC program away from paper coupons to one supported by electronic benefits transfer (E.B.T.) technology as it will increase the efficiency of the program for both WIC-eligible mothers and grocers across the nation. Modernization of the WIC program allows participants greater purchasing flexibility, improves efficiency for retailers and moms, ensures our customers continue to have a pleasant experience in our grocery stores and reduces the stigma associated with presenting a paper coupon for payment. We urge President Obama to sign this important legislation as soon as possible.”

Pamela G. Bailey, president and c.e.o. of the Grocery Manufacturers Association, said, “We applaud the House for passing The Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act — this crucial legislation will help feed many more children through school lunch and breakfast programs and increase the number of healthy choices in the cafeteria. ... The food and beverage industry believes the school environment is a special environment and that the school cafeteria line can be on the front lines of feeding children while ending childhood obesity within a generation.”

Lee Sanders, vice-president for government relations and public affairs at the American Bakers Association, added, “The bill will increase access to the school meal programs for children in need and will provide a variety of healthy food options in school cafeterias. Additionally, the bill provides authority to the Secretary of Agriculture to set science-based standards for foods sold in schools through regulatory rulemaking and following the recommendations of the Dietary Guidelines for Americans.”

Combating Parental Stress

2010-11-11T12:50:00.000-08:00

Has your daily "to-do" list gotten so long that it no longer fits on a single piece of paper? Or do you have so much to do that you don't even have time to make a to-do list? You're not alone. Parents today are working longer hours and commuting greater distances to and from work. Their days don't slow down when they get home. Kids' after-school schedules can be jam-packed, making life busy-and often stressful-for parents.

Why is there so much parental stress?

There is no single answer to this complex question. Many things contribute to stress among parents, including:

Having good childcare and knowing that their kids are safe during the hours when parents are away from them.
Facing major life events such as a divorce, death, and midlife crisis.
Having financial worries-from paying monthly bills to saving for a child's college education to giving financial help to aging parents.
Being unemployed or fearful of being laid off from work.
Facing nagging health problems.
Feeling the strain of caring for an aging parent, chronically sick child, or family member with special needs.
Parents, like kids, also may be trying to do more in a single day. Technology items like computers and cell phones were supposed to help us save time-and they do! But instead of savoring that extra time, parents often pack in more tasks and chores.

How does stress affect parents and families?

According to one study,parents (especially of older children) suffer from higher levels of depression than adults who do not have children. Parents often focus on caring for their children and forget to take care of themselves. When parents don't pay attention to their physical and mental health, they put themselves at risk for stress-related problems like tension headaches, chronic fatigue, and depression.

Research also shows that the emotional well-being of children is strongly linked to their parents' mental health. To put in plainly: Parents who are stressed out often have kids who are stressed out. Your kids learn how to cope with life's ups and downs by watching how you manage stress. If you manage it well, you'll not only feel better, but you'll be a model for your kids and teach them how to manage stress in their lives.

How can parents manage stress?

Make friends and build strong social networks. Studies have shown that having one or two close friends or even a large group of friendly acquaintances is vital to emotional health and managing stress. Many people live far away from their extended family members, so look to friends to fill this emotional need. Being friends with other parents also can lead to timesaving benefits like carpooling to and from activities.

Prioritize your to-do list in order of importance. What has to get done today? What can be deleted? What can wait until tomorrow? Tackle today's things first and then come up with a game plan for getting everything else done. You might have to say, "I won't have time to mop the floor until Saturday," but that's OK. Just having a plan for getting things done can help relieve stress.

Make sure your to-do list includes a little personal time for yourself. Have coffee with an old friend, take a bath, go for a walk, read a book, or take a nap. The goal is to do things that renew and energize you. Don't let yourself get run down! When you take time to revitalize yourself, you have more to give to others.

If you're constantly feeling overwhelmed, you may need professional help. Stress can lead to other health issues, so don't hesitate to talk about it with your family doctor or a mental health counselor.

Sometimes there seems to be no time for parents to de-stress and parents may feel guilty about calling a timeout for themselves. What parent has time for a break when there is homework to help with, recitals to attend, practices to drive to, and work to be done? Moms and Dads spend most of their time trying to raise happy, healthy kids, but your kids want happy, healthy parents! If you're over-stressed, you're probably not at your best-and your kids know it. So, call a personal timeout and address the stress. You'll be helping yourself and your family.

Tactics for Tackling a Temper Tantrum

2010-10-31T15:29:00.000-07:00

Even the best behaved toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. A tantrum can range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They're equally common in boys and girls and usually occur from age 1 to age 3. Some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas for other children, tantrums may be rare. Some kids are more prone to throwing a temper tantrum than others.

Toddlers are trying to master the world and when they aren't able to accomplish a task, they often use one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration - a tantrum. There are several basic causes of tantrums that are familiar to parents everywhere: The child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of children's frustration with the world. Frustration is an unavoidable part of kids' lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.

Tantrums are common during the second year of life, a time when children are acquiring language. Toddlers generally understand more than they can express. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach, which will make struggles less likely to develop over them. Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one's short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. And choose your battles: consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Accommodate when possible to avoid an outburst.

Make sure your child isn't acting up simply because he or she isn't getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent's response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good ("time in"), which means rewarding your little one with attention and praise for positive behavior. This will teach them that acting appropriately makes mommy and daddy happy and proud, and they'll be anxious to do it again and again.

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I Don't Have Any Friends

2010-10-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago Madalyn and I were sitting around playing Connect 4. As I was out smarting her at every turn she calmly said, "Daddy, I don't have any friends at school and no one wants to play with me." This coming from a Kindergartner! She didn't look at me, her tone was soft, and I sensed the sadness. My heart was breaking inside me and I did not know what to do or say. How could this be? What have I done wrong? Haven't I shown her how to make friends? The questions kept on popping into my head and I did not have the answers to any of them.

As we talked she started to change her story a bit and eventually had 2 - 3 friends... okay now I am feeling a little better. I had to remember that she was at a completely new school and it would take time for her to get to the point she was at the previous daycare. I still worry a bit but I think we are going to be okay. I know she is going to have a lot of great friends, I just need to keep the boys away from her!

Here are some additional ideas I have come up with to help her feel connected:

-Dance lessons
-Karate lessons
-Soccer or other sport

I think she is at the point where she would greatly benefit from a class where she learns a new skill. Any other ideas out there?

Homework for Parents

2010-10-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

As a parent, it's important for you to be involved in your child's education, and one way to do that is to help your child with homework. This may seem easier said than done...especially when your child would rather watch TV than do homework or if your child's math homework is too difficult for you to understand. However, helping your child with homework can teach him the most critical lesson of all—that learning is valuable and interesting and can be fun.

What's the best way to help your child with her homework?

You can encourage good study habits and model a positive attitude toward learning and problem solving for your child, even if you're not a whiz at history or science.

Set a schedule. Help your child choose a regular time for doing homework every night. When choosing a time, think about your child's after-school activities, your family's dinnertime, the time of day that your child is most alert and ready to work, etc.1 Also, make sure your child has a quiet spot to work with plenty of space and light.

Keep track of homework. Along with other school supplies, you may want to purchase a dry-erase calendar or a pegboard to help your child keep track of her assignments, especially long-term ones like science projects or book reports. You can teach your child how to divide up her workload and manage her time wisely.

Lend a hand. Help your child study for a test by quizzing him on the subject. If he is having trouble with a homework problem, go over the material with him and help him brainstorm ways to solve it. For larger projects, help him break the assignment down into manageable pieces or "chunks." If he's still having trouble, point him toward the library, the Internet, or other study resources. Or encourage him to seek extra help from his teacher.

Make sure, however, that you're not doing the homework for your child. By encouraging him to seek answers for himself, you help him develop problem-solving skills and get a good grasp of the material.

Know your child's learning style. Not all children learn the same way. For example, some learn more through reading and using language, while others learn more from looking at pictures. For example, learning certain math skills may be easier for your child if you draw a picture of a pizza. Some children have a mix of learning styles. If you know your child's learning style, it can help you explain homework problems to her in a way she can understand. This is also good information to share with her teachers.

Talk to teachers. Talk to your child's teachers at the beginning of each school year to find out what kind of homework you and your child can expect. If your child seems to have too much or too little homework, or if she is having trouble understanding her assignments, discuss this with her teachers.

Inspire a love of learning. Read aloud to your child; take her to libraries, museums, and historical sites; and encourage her to ask questions. Model a passion for learning…your child will pick up on it.

Are You Over Paying and Not Getting Reimbursed

2010-09-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

This year has been an expensive year on medical for Madalyn and I. She had to have a tube removed from her ear which required “surgery” which of course really wasn’t. Still once you pay for all parties involved for the 5 minute procedure it cost nearly $1,500 out of pocket. Then I broke my collar bone which cost several more hundred dollars. The straw that broke the camels back in this case was the fact that several weeks ago I went to the dentist and I recently found out that I overpaid. I called them and asked when they were going to generate me a reimbursement check and their response was that they don’t issue checks unless the client requests it. WELL THEN I AM REQUESTING IT! When I asked if this was ethical it didn't matter it was policy.

I just get outraged that business’ will do anything to get their money from you but by chance you over paid they turn a blind eye to it and keep it. You know they see it on their screen, you know they balance their books, and now you know they will gladly keep YOUR money.

Also, don’t expect it anytime soon after requesting your money either. It will take 4 – 6 weeks to get it because it is so hard for them to do, okay not really they just want to continue to earn interest off all those people that have over paid.

I know from experience that some balance their books monthly and reimburse their clients but I just found out even though they may be balancing their books some don’t issue refunds for overpayment. This would be a good question to ask when selecting new providers.

Creating Effective and Efficient Relationships

2010-09-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties' feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party's needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party's feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say 'No man is an Island'.

Are Your Kids Brushing Their Teeth

2010-08-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

Last week I was spent some time with a friend of mine whom is a dentist and we were discussing how children these days seem to see the dentist for the first time in the hospital. These are children, typically under the age of 5, that have not been taught to properly take care of their teeth. Of course their diet plays a large role in tooth decay as well. YOu can't let your kids sip on soda pop all day without problems.

Your teeth are meant to last a lifetime! Tooth decay, or cavities, and periodontal disease, also known as gum disease, can be avoided or reduced by the daily removal of plaque.

Plaque is made up of germs that live on your teeth all the time. It is important to remove this plaque daily to prevent these germs from making acid and other products that can cause cavities and harm your gums and the bone around your teeth.

If you spend less than three minutes brushing your teeth, all the plaque is probably not being removed. Also, a toothbrush with worn-out bristles cannot clean your teeth properly. Try to replace your toothbrush at least every three to four months.

A dental home care plan should include:

daily toothbrushing with a soft toothbrush that is not worn out or frayed
using dental floss daily to clean areas that are hard for your toothbrush to reach — between your teeth and under the gumline
using a toothpaste or mouthrinse with fluoride
eating balanced meals and limiting foods high in sugar

To brush away the plaque on your teeth, follow these steps:

Start by brushing the sides of your teeth that touch your cheek. Angle your toothbrush so it is up against your teeth and gums and jiggle the toothbrush back and forth in small strokes. Do only a few teeth at a time, and do it several times in each spot.
When you have completed the cheek side of your top and bottom teeth, brush the side that faces your tongue on the top and bottom teeth in the same way.

Brush the flat, chewing surfaces of your top and bottom teeth. These surfaces have many deep grooves where germs can “hide out.” Brush your tongue when you finish brushing your teeth to help your mouth feel fresher. To maintain the health of your teeth and gums, clean in between your teeth with dental floss after toothbrushing.

First Day of School

2010-08-24T19:35:00.000-07:00

8/25/10 marks the first day Madalyn will start school. Yes, she is going to Kindergarten. I have taken the whole day off work just so I can walk her to class and spend the rest of the day pacing, wondering, impatiently waiting for the day to end so I can interrogate her about her day. I am so excited and quite honestly shocked that she is growing up so fast.

Volunteering as a Family

2010-08-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

As parents, you want to guide and support your children toward a healthy future. How can you set good examples for your children? How can you do more together as a family? Community service and volunteering are ways to do both.

Following are some ideas on how you can be involved as a family in your community. With good adult supervision, even your small children can work as volunteers.

What To Know. What To Do.

Children whose parents spend lots of leisure time with them are less likely to do drugs than children whose parents do not. Community service is a great way for families to work together and offers a positive learning experience for children. Children learn selflessness and develop a greater appreciation for what they have and for the caring people in their lives. Check out city/local papers or the bulletin board at your grocery store or place of worship for places and events where you can serve together. Talk to single parents and seniors on your block about their needs; volunteer at the community youth center. Believe it or not, this can be fun and fulfilling!

Volunteering With Seniors:

Volunteer at a nursing home. Read to residents with poor eyesight. Help with "event nights" and if you have musical or other talents, be part of the entertainment.
Adopt a "grandparent" (or two) on your block. Do the shopping or take him to the store or to doctor's appointments. Walk the dog—alone or as a companion. Offer to do yard work or housecleaning on a free weekend. Bake a batch of cookies, or cook an entire meal and eat it together some evenings.
Give a primary caregiver to a homebound senior some free time by taking their place for an evening. Play a favorite family game together. Encourage the senior to talk about herself and share your interests with her. People who do not get out much (or at all) appreciate fresh new faces and experiences.

With the Homeless:

Many children living in homeless shelters have parents who cannot provide "extras." Ask permission to take them to a movie, for ice cream, or to a local high school game.
Adopt a family or individual and provide them with basic hygiene needs—soap, toothpaste, deodorant. If your children receive an allowance, encourage them to give to this effort. Donate children's books your family has outgrown to children in the family.
Organize a clothing and/or food drive—ask for donations from friends and relatives—and help with sorting and distributing the items.
Serve at the local soup kitchen, food bank, or food pantry.

With Children:

Help coach sporting activities at a youth center or get your own team going. Kids can be part of the team and help with keeping score, managing equipment, or cleaning up.
Become a mentoring family for a child without older siblings. Invite him to dinner as often as you can. Your children can help him with homework and other projects.
Invite a non-English speaking child to spend time with your family. Improve each other's language skills by learning from each other. Volunteer at an ethnic center to work with an entire family.

Volunteering Other Places in Your Community:

Your own children may have outgrown the sand box, but the playground could use a facelift. Plant trees and flowers. Paint the equipment, trash bins, and benches. Your kids' friends and parents may want to help, too.
Take your kids' talent for artwork beyond your refrigerator. They could make posters for the children's reading room at the library or design flyers for your place of worship's bazaar.
Volunteer at the animal shelter.

There are many other volunteer possibilities for families in any community. You don't have to be part of a really big project to serve. Whatever you choose to do will benefit your family and the community. Just get involved and have fun!

Reunion

2010-08-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

This weekend was my 20 year high school reunion and I was hesitant to attend because I have not seen the majority of these people for so long. Nevertheless, I thought I would give it a shot. I went to the Gap and got a pair of Gap Straight jeans (medium wash) and a Blue and White Thin Striped Shirt, the outfit looked pretty sharp as it should since I had the sales reps pick it out for me. Heck I have not been clothes shopping in years. Anyhow, I went to the initial meet and greet with the idea to shake everyone's hand before I left.

After the first couple hours I had already had some great conversations with many people that I had not seen in years but even more interesting was the conversations that I had with people that I did not hang out with in high school. I must say it was a blast and if your reunion is coming up I definitely recommend attending, you will be glad you did. Step outside the box and look for to make new connections. You never know if you will get a phone number from a Dentist and a Neurologist, and not for professional reasons. No matter what just go and have some great conversation!

School Supply Shopping

2010-07-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

The start date for school is quickly approaching and with the cut back we are seeing in education the burden is going to be on the parents to supply more of the school supplies for their children and even for those that are less fortunate. Madalyn is going to be starting kindergarten and will need things such as:

crayons
watercolors
glue
water-base markers
paper towels
napkins
facial tissues
clorox wipes
sandwich bags
stickers

If you have older kids then you will need other things as well. It is no surprise, as I have mentioned before, that I love to buy things online. It is convienent and pricing is competitive. Amazon.com has everything a person could use for school and it is a great way to get all your shopping needs done for your family easily and quickly.

Bible Verses for Dealing with Loneliness

2010-07-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

What To Do When You Feel Lonely

Hebrews 13:5 - Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Matthew 28:20 - Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

I Samuel 12:22 - For the Lord will not forsake his people for his great name's sake: because it hath pleased the Lord to make you his people.

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee: yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

John 14:18 - I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

John 14:1 - Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

Deuteronomy 33:27 - The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.

Psalm 147:3 - He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Romans 8:35-39 - Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerers through him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things
present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Deuteronomy 4:31 - (For the Lord thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Psalm 27:10 - When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Isaiah 54:10 - For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.

I Peter 5:7 - Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Psalm 46:1 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

So Close - Yet so Far

2010-07-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

I have a great time with Madalyn and she is great at doing her chores but there are a couple things she needs to work on. Why is it that they can get their dirty clothes so close to the basket yet fail to put them in? It is funny because I can give her a look and she nows... she just smiles at me innocently. Of course I pick up after her but she is learning and getting better. I just hope she doesn't grow up to be a slob at least she put her clothes away nicely in her 6 Tier Hanging Mesh Storage Closet Organizer

The Other Daddy

2010-06-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

I may need a reality check here so correct me if I am wrong. If a father is very active in his kid's life and even has primary custody should the children call their step father, daddy? I know there are situations out there where step dads become the regular dad becuase he isn't around and I think that is great. However, I can see my ex really getting my goat by convincing my daughter to call her step dad, "daddy". I think she should call him by his first name. Do I make an issue out of this or let it go? However, it does bother me a bit, okay more than a bit.

Gulf Oil Spill

2010-06-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

I try to avoid much opinion about the destuctive things people do in this world. I tend to think that we are smart people, at least most of the time. I know brilliant people are trying to stop the oil spill that has been going on for weeks in the gulf without success... this in itself is a bit disturbing. Anyhow I simply pray that God will bring an end to it and that He will make some good come from it. If that is man pushing this world just one step closer to disaster so Christ will come then so be it.

Okay, here is a photo from the Department of Defense. Does buring oil seem odd to you? How much better can that be for the environment? I don't know I guess little ignorant me just doesn't get it.

Connect with Your Child but Don't Overdo it

2010-06-10T19:33:00.000-07:00

We all want to connect and be involved with our child. Children of involved parents generally feel more confident, assured and have a higher level of self esteem. They excel in school and do well in extracurricular activities and with their hobbies.

But is there such a thing as too much involvement? It's imperative when you're becoming involved with your school-aged child's activities and academics that you recognize the line of what being too involved can be.

Remember, you're becoming involved in your child's life. It's important that you don't intrude too much upon it. Children need their space and privacy and they need to be able to develop their own skills, talents and abilities. In our eagerness to help our child succeed, it's tempting to want to step in and start doing things for them because you feel they are doing it incorrectly or inadequately. But remember, you had to learn too, and this is their chance to learn on their own.

Be there to encourage and support your child, and offer praise at a job well done. But also remember to step back and allow your child to learn from their own mistakes, and to develop their own way of doing things. We all know from our own life experiences that there's always more than just one way to do something, and just because your child is doing it differently than you would doesn't make it wrong. Who knows, it could present a terrific opportunity for you to learn from your child as well.

In addition, try not to become too overbearing or nosy when it comes to their social life. Be available for them should they need to talk and encourage them to share their troubles with you so you can help them sort through a problem. But if they say they don't want to talk about it or they just need some time to figure things out for themselves, respect that need by letting them know you're available whenever they need you. This is an important part of growing up and allowing a child to figure his own way through things is an integral part of that process.

Chores Teach about Teamwork

2010-06-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

Chores can help develop a sense of responsibility and self worth in your child. It should be understood by all family members they are expected and necessary to a household running successfully and efficiently. They can help create a sense of unity and family and is a great place for your child to learn about teamwork. Parents should take special care to handle the delegation of chores to children so they don't become a source of frustration or create arguments.

Allow your child to have an active say in the delegation of chores. Give them choices. We all have household chores that we don't like to do, but if it's a chore the child enjoys doing then there's less likelihood it will create a battle in the end. The child will most likely appreciate having the chance to be heard and having a choice.

It's imperative that you set parameters early on for the successful completion of a chore. They may not perform up to snuff when they first start performing the chore, but show them where improvement is needed and praise them for a strong effort. Also make sure the child understands there will be repercussions if they only put forth a minimal effort. Ensure the child understands the need for the chore's effective and efficient completion. Set consequences for substandard completion as a team. Make sure they see that if they don't perform their chores, it affects the other members of the team. Spouses must work together and be a strong example for their children by completing their own chores each day. And don't allow a child to undermine your authority by battling with you over a designated chore. Stand your ground and don't give in, and emphasize the consequence and negative effect an uncompleted chore has on the family.

And keep an open mind when a child wants to discuss their thoughts or express their opinions about chores. Make sure the conversation stays positive and on target.

Knowing the Rules Make Discipline Easier

2010-05-30T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child. Setting clear expectations for chidlren regarding what's acceptable behavior and what isn't is imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong. If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides.

Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed. Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline. Rules regarding your child's safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced. Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon. If necessary, make a contract between parent and child. Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand. For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned. The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.

But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what's acceptable behavior and what isn't. It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions. The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids

Should I be Talking to the Ex

2010-05-16T14:46:00.000-07:00

Since Madalyn has not been going back and forth from my house to her moms she really seems to be doing so much better. Yet I am concerned because I know that her chances will be so much better if her mom and I can co-parent her in a healthy and kind manner. My ex will no longer talk to me because her new husband thinks we are having an affair which is totally rediculous. Because of this I feel that Madalyn is missing out so I made 2 mistakes that I am aware of recently:

1) I told my ex to call and talk to her daughter every night. She was only doing it once a week and I just don't think that is right. That pissed her off because I was being controlling - so I am told.

2) When her mom does call that one time a week Madalyn asks her "why are you calling?" and often times says she doesn't want to talk to her. I expressed to Madalyn that it is important for her to talk to her mom and stop what she is doing.

I mentioned this to a coworker and was quickly reprimanded for what I had done. Stating that I should not force Madalyn to talk to her mom if she doesn't want to. It isn't that she doesn't love her mom but she is getting to the age where she sees the difference between her mom and I and how we treat her. She knows that I am going to talk to her pretty much every day because that is what I have been doing for the past 3 years. Her mom on the other hand isn't quite that way. Anyhow does anyone have an opinion on the matter? Should I encourage Madalyn to talk more with her mom or should I just hope that someday her mom will let go of whatever is holding her back from taking a bigger part of Madalyn's life?

After School Safety Tips

2010-05-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

When parents send their children for after school programs, they take it for granted that the child is safe. But since the number of children participating in these activities has increased, it is necessary to look into safety issues.

Children are vulnerable when they are outside the classes. While going or returning, they should know the safest route to take. Many kids hang out with their friends just after these classes. Find out 'danger zones' from your neighbors and make the children aware of these.

The child has to know how to handle emergencies. It is better to discuss various scenarios with your child. Tell her what she should do in case the class is suddenly cancelled. Show her the first-aid kit at home and make sure she knows whom to call in an emergency. Post any important contact information in a place that is easily accessible to the child. If the child will be alone at home, discuss a few unexpected things with her.
Tell her to use the safety chain ALWAYS.

Relay on your neighbors and friends when needed. Let your child know who can be contacted at times of emergency. Ask your child to check in by phone. Above all, always tell the child to be in a group. Visiting restrooms all alone or going home via isolated streets must be avoided.

Smoking Can Cost You Your Children

2010-04-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

We have all seen the commercials and even probably been told by our doctors that smoking is bad for us. There is no doubt that the health effects of smoking affect the entire body and everyone around us.

Consider your children, if you are a smoker, the health consequences to children can be even more devastating. According to The National Survey on Environmental Management of Asthma and Children’s Exposure to Environmental Tobacco Smoke, “eleven percent of children under the age of six are exposed to secondhand smoke in their homes several times per week.”

We know that smoking kills and yet we allow children, even our children, to be exposed to the harmful effects. Children are stillgrowing and developing physically and have very little control of their environments so it is up to the parents to put them first.

If you are a parent that smokes you may want to consider what you are doing to your child and if you are in the process of divorce or have a current custody order you may want to consider quitting. Courts are concerned with the health of our children and whether or not a parent smokes may be taken into consideration when determining who gets custody and visitation. In fact, there have been court rulings that are in favor of the non-smoking parent.

This day and age it appears that gender may no longer play a major role in who gets custody of children of divorce but who can provide a safe healthy environment for the children.

Our society is to the point that if you spank your child in public, someone may call the police and next thing you know you are being investigated for child abuse. How long will it be before someone turns you in for smoking around your child, exposing them to cancer causing agents? Which is worse, a swat on the butt or sudden infant death syndrome, asthma, chronic ear infections, and other respiratory problems? Times are changing and 90 percent of the time it is the parents who are exposing their children to the harmful effects of secondhand smoke – that is child abuse.

Learn about the health effects of smoking and ways to find additional resources on quit smoking help.

Fasting Doesn't Have to be About Food

2010-04-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Greetings all! I will be fasting from the computer for the next 7 days. It seems I spend way to much time on it. I want to begin the spring with a fresh start with God, myself, and my daughter. I have been couped up over the winter and the computer is an easy outlet but now with spring here it is time to get out!

God Bless and when I get back I will have some new insightful posts. I promise.

I just need more readers... :-)

Have a great day!!!

Psalm 121:1-2

2010-04-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh fromt he Lord, which make heaven and earth."

The Way Each Day Will Look to You All Starts with Who You're Looking to. - author unknown

Jesus Help

2010-04-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

Jesus, help my eyes to see all the good you send to me.
Jesus, help my ears to hear calls for help far and near.
Jesus, help my feet to go in the way that Thou will show.
Jesus, help my hands to do all the things loving, kind and true.
Jesus, may I helpful be, growing everyday like Thee. Amen

Involved Fathers

2010-04-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

Involved fathers provide practical support in raising children and serve as models for their development. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. Committed and responsible fathering during infancy and early childhood contributes emotional security, curiosity, and math and verbal skills.

Even parenting as a single father this can be accomplished but it isn't always easy. It wasn't until 1995 that Clinton took action and had studies done to measure the affects of fathers in their kid's lives. When single fathers have custody they are just as likely to be invovled with their kids as single mothers... Why - because either way it NEEDS to be done and they love their chidlren too!

What Does it Cost to Raise a Child

2010-04-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

Surfing the internet one day I thought it would be interesting to see what it cost to raise a kid these days. Well guess what... - there is an APP for that. Okay, not really (well actually I don't know) however there is a calculator at
http://65.216.150.170/default.aspx

The results are self explanatory and they can be modified if you know the actual cost. Don't plan your retirement or investments by it but it is kind of interesting.

Overall Annual Cost Estimates
(Household Type = One Parent and Income = Less Than $56,870)
Housing Food Transportation Clothing Health Education Other Total

Madalyn's Estimated Annual Costs
Housing $3,612
Food $1,664
Transportation $1,097
Clothing $413
Health $710
Education/Childcare $3,312

Total $11,582

Housing expenses consist of shelter (mortgage payments, property taxes, or rent; maintenance and repairs; and insurance), utilities (gas, electricity, fuel, cell/telephone, and water), and house furnishings and equipment (furniture, floor coverings, major appliances, and small appliances).

Food expenses consist of food and nonalcoholic beverages purchased at grocery, convenience, and specialty stores; dining at restaurants; and household expenditures on school meals.

Transportation expenses consist of the monthly payments on vehicle loans, down payments, gasoline and motor oil, maintenance and repairs, insurance, and public transportation (including airline fares).

Clothing expenses consist of children’s apparel such as diapers, shirts, pants, dresses, and suits;footwear; and clothing services such as dry cleaning, alterations, and repair.

Health care expenses consist of medical and dental services not covered by insurance, prescription drugs and medical supplies not covered by insurance, and health insurance premiums not paid by an employer or other organization. Medical services include those related to physical and mental health.

Child care and education expenses consist of day care tuition and supplies; baby-sitting; and elementary and high school tuition, books, fees, and supplies. Books, fees, and supplies may be for private or public schools. The average child care and education expenses used in the Calculator are based on families who have these expenses. If you do not have these expenses, expenditures on a child should be adjusted to account for this (see Recalculate Button above).

Miscellaneous expenses consist of personal care items (haircuts, toothbrushes, etc.), entertainment (portable media players, sports equipment, televisions, computers, etc.), and reading materials (nonschool books, magazines, etc.).

Make Your Day Great

2010-03-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

Do you tend to let your outer circumstances set the tone for each day? Do you allow other people and events to trigger feelings of anger, frustration, impatience and more?

When you do this, you are not using the power you have available to you! By using the Law of Attraction, you can turn every day into a great day. One way to do that is by using intentions and visualization to create your day.

When you first wake up in the morning, spend 10 minutes or so thinking about the types of things you’d like to experience that day. How would you like your workday to go? What kind of people would you like to meet? Would you like to receive some great opportunities to advance your career or financial situation? How would you like to feel for the majority of your day?

Grab a blank journal or notebook and jot these details down! Once you’ve gotten all the details written down, spend a few minutes vividly imagining each scenario in your mind, exactly as you would like it to happen. Pretend you’re watching a movie in your mind, seeing it all play out exactly as you’d like it to.

Most importantly, allow yourself to feel as if they were actually happening now. Immerse yourself in feelings of excitement, joy, happiness and gratitude as you enjoy one great experience after another. Use this same process for every experience you’d like to have that day.

By the time you’re finished you should be feeling fantastic; buzzing with good spirits and high expectations!

Then continue with your normal routine, taking special care not to be “attached” to any specific events or experiences, just simply staying open to whatever comes. Keep affirming that great things are going to happen to you that day, and you feel great about all of the blessings and abundance in your life.

At the same time, avoid getting entangled in feelings of worry, anxiety, frustration, and anger as much as possible throughout the day because those feelings will interfere with the positive energy you’ve already put out.

As often as you can remember, call to mind images of the things you visualized earlier and allow good feelings to flow over you again. Affirm and know that wonderful things are happening, even if you don’t see them quite yet.

By using this process on a daily basis, you’ll eventually start to notice that good things are starting to happen. You’ll find yourself being in the “right place at the right time” and generally enjoying greater opportunities and abundance.

Help Prevent Temper Tantrums

2010-03-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

Before you had kids do you remember being in the grocery store waiting in the check-out line when a child with her mom in front of you was kicking and screaming and you thought, “How annoying - my kids won’t act like that.” Then years later there you are in the check-out line with your own kids and guess what happens? You guessed it, BAM, there goes the temper tantrum. It is at that moment you realize that as a parent you can’t control every action of your child and you instantly can relate to every other parent out there that has gone through the same thing.

Stopping temper tantrums is easier than you think, however, you need to understand why they typically occur and it isn’t your child’s problem as much as it is yours. There are reasons your children act out at certain times and it basically revolves around three things; being tired, hungry, or angry.

If children don’t get the rest they need they can become a living nightmare. Kicking and screaming to the point you want to pull your hair out. This could happen anywhere. This goes for when they are hungry as well. There are certain days that as parents, in our mad dash to get things done with our child in tow, we forget about time. Because of this the next thing we know we missed lunch and nap time for our child. One second they seem just fine and the next all heck is breaking loose.

Temper tantrums can typically be stopped before they start by observing your child and watching for signs of hunger and sleepiness. Prevent them from starting by giving them a snack or taking a break so they can take a nap. Most tantrums are because of these reasons. On occasion your child will throw a fit because they did not get their own way and I will tell you what my mom did to break me of that as a child. Splashed cold water in my face! Yep, she said that did the trick.

Stop temper tantrums from happening by watching for the queues and taking care of your child’s needs before it is too late. Ultimately it is our fault that they got out of control and we should not be too hard on them. Chances are when you give them a snack or by the time you get them buckled into their car seat and 30 seconds on the road they will be fast asleep and they will soon be little angels again.

Get More Out of Reading Your Bible

2010-03-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

There are times when I feel I just don’t get it, that is what the word is saying to me, and then there are those instances where I can’t believe how what I am reading seems to be speaking to me and what is going on in my life. This is a common thing when reading the Bible and I think that is why it is important to read it often. If you think about it how many times have you read the Bible? If you have been a Christian for some time probably quite a few times.

There are times when I have to “dig” meaning out of the scripture as I am reading and it really comes in handy when I feel lost or that the word isn’t speaking to me. Here is how to get more out of reading your Bible:

3 Questions to ask when reading the Bible

1. What does it say?
2. What does it say to me?
3. What should I do about it?

I can’t remember where I got this idea but it was some time ago and I use this method when reading. Depending on the length and the message of the scripture I may break it into verse, a collection of verses, or chapter. Lets take Psalm 100 - I pre-write my questions on a sheet of paper and the scripture I am looking at.

Question #1 - What does it say? The Lord is our creator and He loves us and is faithful to His Word.

Question #2 - What does it say to me? God is the creator, He loves me and I belong to Him. His word holds true and He is wise and loving.

Question #3 - What should I do about it? (How should I respond?) I should praise God and sing and worship Him with thanksgiving.

So there you have it… I think that these questions can be answered differently by different people going through different things. It is a good exercise that helps focus the mind on what is being said.

Building Kids Self Esteem

2010-02-28T19:07:00.000-08:00

It's often been said that children learn what they live. So if you're looking for a place to start helping your child build positive self esteem and self value, then you should show them your positive sense of self and strong self esteem. Be positive when you speak about yourself and highlight your strengths. This will teach your child that it's okay to be proud of their talents, skills and abilities.

Your child also benefits greatly from honest and positive praise. Find something about them to praise each day. You could even give your child a task you know they can complete and then praise them for a job well done after they're finished. Show your child that positive acts merit positive praise.

When your child's feeling sad, angry or depressed, communicate openly, honestly and patiently with them. Listen to them without judging or criticizing. They may not fully understand why they feel the way they do, so the opportunity to communicate with you about it may be what's needed to help them sort through a difficult situation. Suggest positive behaviors and options as solutions, and make sure to leave that door of communication open so they know the next time they feel badly, they can come to you for help and know that you won't judge or punish them for how they're feeling.

Teach your child the importance of setting goals and developing a plan to meet that goal and complete that task. Small projects are the best to start off with in the beginning. Ensure that it's an appropriate task for your child, and not too complex. Don't only give praise at the end of the project, but praise their accomplishments during the project as well.

Most importantly, tell your child "I love you" each and every day - many times throughout the day, in fact. When they've behaved badly, remind yourself that it's not them you don't like, only their behavior. Tuck short, sweet notes in their lunchboxes or coat pockets, or even send them a card in the mail. Soon, they'll learn to say "I love you" just as easily and honestly in return.

Raising Children for God

2010-02-28T18:38:00.001-08:00

Ferwerda, Julie. One Million Arrows: Raising your Children to Change the World. Enumclaw: WinePress Publishing, 2009. 175 pp. $13.95. Purchase at Amazon.

Introduction

There is a movement afoot within conservative Christian denominations regarding discipleship of children for kingdom purposes. Julie Ferwerda has added yet another call to discipling your children with one caveat–she is taking it global.

Summary

The book is divided into three parts: Gather, Sharpen, and Launch. Recognizing that the time is short, and the need great, Julie exhorts all parents to disciple their children to impact the world instead of the world impacting their children. In her part on gathering, she lays out a plan for the parents to chart their own course with their families and to hop on board the one million arrows campaign and challenges each family to own the mission of discipling their children.

Part two guides the parents in gathering the arrows (children) to sharpen them. She helps the reader to understand how to shape your arrows in your home and beyond. In so doing, you will ultimately be able to send your arrows off into the world to impact the kingdom of God.

The final part of the book is how to launch your arrows. This can be a difficult process for all parents while also being perhaps one of the most rewarding times in a parent’s life.

Review & Recommendation

Julie Ferwerda has accomplished two great goals. First, she has penned a biblical call for discipleship to take place in the home. Second, she has given due honor to a man who influenced her life, ministry, and mission.

I believe she sums up best the heart behind the book. She writes, “I have underestimated what God can do through my kids now” (144). Most parents, myself included, grossly underestimate what their children are capable of at young ages. Get your copy of One Million Arrows.

Free Fairy Tales for Kids

2010-02-26T22:02:00.000-08:00

Many of the best classic fairy tales for kids have been around for a long time... I guess that is why they are classic. There are many great resources on the internet that offers these for free but finding them in a way that is easy to print or read can be challenging. The Brothers Grimm published 100's of books for kids and I posted a few of the best fairy tales for kids. They are about 8 to 10 pages in length in pdf format. Even though they don't have pictures Madalyn still enjoys them. She just lays back in bed while I read them. Give it a try and see what your kids think. Some might not be appropriate for really young chidlren however they do have a message to learn. Remember classic means old so the language is a bit different - just check it out for yourself.

Tips to Be More Lovable

2010-02-24T06:48:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt not very loved? I know I have. It seems the older I get the harder it is to make friends and try new things. In order to be loved I need to be lovable. Here are some tips to be more lovable.

* Start with prayer for a changed heart filled with the love of God to flow through me to others.

* Here is a biggy - SMILE

* Stop being boo-hoo, poor me person. Have a positive mental attitude.

* Look people in the eye when talking to them, it conveys honesty.

* Listen when people talk to you.

* Improve your self image by taking care of yourself.

Cooking Activities for the Kids

2010-02-20T20:25:00.000-08:00

From a very young age you can involve your kids in cooking. Not only do they have fun doing it they are more inclined to try new things. Most children learn quickly taht eating is fun. I know Madalyn enjoys helping me cook in the kitchen. Putting the two together we have the makings of a good time and quality time spent together is always a blessing. Children learn best when they are busy and interested in what they are doing. When scrubbing, mixing, stirring, kneading, spreading, tossing, squeezing, and pouring, they don't realize there's even more going on, it is called learning.

I enjoy cooking with Madalyn because it involves us reading and talking to one another. As we follow directions, me from the recipe and her from me we make something that we both can enjoy eating. Also good nutrition is encouraged through cooking.

Tips for cooking with the kids inlcude:

* washing hands before and after
* use plastic knives and supplies
* don't worry about the mess
* discuss what you are doing as you prepare the food
* and have fun...

Winning Child Custody For Dads

2010-02-19T08:29:00.000-08:00

It was several months ago when I decided to file for primary physical custody of Madalyn. Of course I had my reasons but over the years I noticed that it was mostly moms that had custody of the children while dads got visitation every other weekend. To me this was absurd. I knew I had my work cut out for me but I also knew that in my case God was with me. How you ask? Well I prayed for years on whether I should make this move and it took that long for me to clearly see whether or not I was doing this for Madalyn or revenge. Yes, revenge was one of my motives in the beginning. Not very nice I know. Of course I though I had just cause to do it but I didn't want to hurt my little girl if I was just trying to get back at her mom.

September of 09 sitting in front of a lawyer explaining what and why I wanted to do I had a peace about me. I can honestly say God was with me and my motives were purely for doing what was best for Madalyn. Even though it took nearly 6 months, and never making it to the judge, my exwife agreed to the modification.

The decisions she made over the past year really put her in a place that she did not have much of a choice. There is something to be said about God's timing. If I would of done this before the case most likely would of gone to the judge and who knows what would of happened. But by waiting on God everything worked out.

I want to thank those that prayed for me and gave me great advice. I know I have many challenges ahead of me but it will be well worth it.

If you are a dad and feel you have reason to modify your custody agreement I suggest praying everyday about it. Pray that Gods' will be done and to do whatever is best for the child. What is your motivation? Practice alot of patience, document everything (moving, late pickups, no shows, threats, etc), record conversations (legally), more prayer, and get a lawyer. Also make sure your child support is paid in full and have your act together.

Actively Listening to Your Kids

2010-02-16T21:10:00.000-08:00

Communicating and actively listening to/with our children can be a difficult task at times. We feel like they're not listening to us; they feel like we're not listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting. Your child's feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child's feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us. By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they're coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It's crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television (for me it is leaving the computer) so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.

Don't discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond - don't react.

You are What You Think

2010-02-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

You’ve heard phrases like "You are what you eat." and "You are what you think." before but have you ever given much thought to their validity? The human body is made up of various compounds that require a mixed diet of proteins, carbohydrates, and fats. Water also plays a major role in body composition and is the most critical nutrient the body requires to continue to function properly.

Our bodies are only as good as how well we take care of them. Now consider the complexity and power of the brain. The brain controls every aspect of our lives from the involuntary to the voluntary. Have you ever wondered why there seem to be times in your life where you just can’t catch a break? Your life seems to be running in tandem as a mid-morning soap opera. As life is passing you by it seems others are reaching new levels of success, what is going on? Believe it or not but there could be a simple explanation to what is going on and the solution is within your reach.

Famous motivational speakers such as Earl Nightingale, Anthony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Bob Proctor, and many others gave us the answer when they wrote, spoke, and taught about “We become what we think.” In essence we are products of our own imagination. Ultimately we are products of our own thinking and belief systems. If we find ourselves going through life with a negative attitude wouldn’t it be a logical conclusion that our lives will be filled with negativity and failure?

People throughout history started with very little and went through extremely tough times, but because of their view on life they overcame obstacles and became to be some of the most blessed and successful men. They took control of their lives and made something out of them.

“There is nobody,: says a Roman Cardinal, “whom fortune does not visit once in his life; but when she finds he is not ready to receive her, she goes in at the door, and out through the window.” Opportunity is coy. The careless, the slow, the unobservant, the lazy fail to see it, or clutch at it when it has gone. The sharp fellows detect it instantly, and catch it.

When looking into the lives of successful people there are many common threads. They are driven, hard-working, visionaries, giving, faithful, and constantly pursuing their goals. They ultimately become what they think about. Their belief system molds their mind and they achieve what they what because there isn’t any other option. Those that sit on the sidelines watching life pass them by are stuck in fear, victim mentalities, and negative thoughts. The fact is anyone can be successful – you just need to choose to be and seize your opportunity.

Don’t think you have no chance in life because you have no capital to begin with. Most of the rich men of today began poor. The chances are you would be ruined if you had capital. You can only use to advantage what has become a part of yourself by your earning it. It is estimated that not one rich man’s son in ten thousand dies rich. God has given every man a capital to start with; we are born rich. He is rich who has good health, a sound body, good muscles; he is rich who has a good head, a good disposition, a good heart; he is rich who has two good hands, with five chances on each. Equipped? Every man is equipped as only God could equip him. What a fortune he possesses in the marvelous mechanism of his body and mind. It is individual effort that has accomplished everything worth accomplishing in this world. Money to start with is only a crutch, which, if any misfortune knocks it from under you, would only make your fall all the more certain.

Does Your Marriage Need an Adjustment - Cont

2010-02-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

Continuing with this theme from Dr Hornell Hart we will begin part 2 of this riveting series.

When in a relationship it is important to find ways to do new fun things together, even if they seem trivial. Part 1 of this series basically discussed the negative. To take the positive approach – surprise your mate with a gift from time to time. Make a private list of the small things that please your mate the most and make a habit of giving.

Whenever possible have children deliberately when you both agree. Have as many as you and your mate wholeheartedly agree on. Give your kids the best you can which include; faith, self-respect, courage, and the desire to serve others.

Make it a point to understand your mate. Do this as if your life depended on it! Your married life and happiness do depend on it. Understanding one’s wife or husband is far more important than earning a college degree or getting that new car. A good way to go about this is to spend quiet alone time thinking about your mate. What have been their great emotional experiences in life? What drives them and determines their way of acting? What are their deepest aspirations and longings? When this is done correctly the rewards are fulfilling and great. This step may take help, consider marriage counseling, books and magazine articles.

Honestly and frankly discuss family problems without the endless arguing. Bring things into the open. Try to understand one another and don’t rehash issues to the point where you both are weary and rebellious. Marriage is a partnership, not a debating society.

Discover and explore areas of agreement. Develop programs and goals that you can work together enthusiastically. In the back of disagreements lies a deeper agreement if you will seek it patiently and lovingly. This applies to small and big issues.

Surrender the nonessentials. Many marriages have gone bad because people cling to matters of principle instead of focusing on the underlying essentials.

Agree to live and let live. Cultivate freedom for your mate and children. You need to be your own person. The better we understand each other and the laws of life, the more likely we are to find that freedom which brings the fullness of joy. We never fully win the love of the ones dear to us until we cease demanding it.

Put your family first and stop fretting about yourself. Although this rule is at the end of this post it really comes first in the search for fulfillment of personality in family life. What do you really want from your mate and children? Are you after security, comfort, affection for yourself? Or do you want, above all things, that your family find the road to an abundant life where they will richly and fully grow until they find their true places in this world?

If you can answer the above question honestly, live up to your decision and with all your heart seek the joy of those around you. Your love will be met with love and even out of anguish you will win your way into the meaning and the glory of existence.

Does Your Marriage Need an Adjustment

2010-01-29T17:27:00.000-08:00

Having failed at my first marriage it is important to me to not repeat the same mistakes. If you are married and having a tough go, Dr Hornell Hart has a few recommendations to help make a marital adjustment.

Abandon ALL Feelings of Resentment! Emotional hostility toward one’s mate acts as an effective barrier against finding a creative solution and putting it into effect. What you hate you cannot understand so surrender all your feelings of contempt, jealousies, and grudges. Emotions of hate distort one’s vision and force one toward actions and words that are not beneficial. When one person feels resentment towards another, the other is likely to feel resentment in return. This intensifies the situation making things even worse. SOMEONE HAS TO BREAK THE CYCLE! Don’t sit back waiting for your partner to take the first step, just do it, forgive and forget. Let good will take the place of antagonism in your own consciousness, even though your mate continues to carry on the old grudge for a bit longer.

Eliminate Needless Irritants. Take time to make a thorough and careful examination of the things that hurt, distress, or upset your mate.

Here is a list of many common irritants to focus working on:

Stop criticizing your mate, publically and privately.

Avoid situations or actions that make your mate feel inferior. This goes the same for situations in which you demonstrate your own superiority over theirs.

Figure out which topics of discussion are annoying to one another and eliminate them. For example; stop bringing up the subject of his relatives you don’t like, that time he went bankrupt, the occasion he made a foolish decision, or that political or religious question on which you can’t agree on.

Replace household items that are causing unnecessary pain such at a broken washing machine, leaky faucet, etc.

Try to avoid making plans or being around people that bore your mate. Don’t take your wife to a prize fight if she hates it and don’t take your husband to the opera if they hate that.

Create the habit of keeping all appointments with your mate on time. But (unjust as this may seem) don’t demand that your mate does the same.

Never read at the dinner table unless your mate also has something interesting to read and agrees to the arrangement.

Bring your mate into contact with your relatives just enough so that their relationships will flourish – basically don’t over do it.

Do NOT try that dangerous experiment of flirting with someone else in order to keep your mate interested in you.

Never repel your mate’s sexual advances in a way which will seem unloving, disapproving, or aggravated. Make it clear that you are only postponing it until another time.

Watch to see if you are needlessly violating your mate’s ideals of courtesy, generosity, honor, and decency.

Take time to examine and discover any other way in which you may be irritating or hurting your mate, and stop doing it.

Stay tuned for part 2...

What are You Committed To?

2010-01-22T13:32:00.000-08:00

I was doing some reading on the power of words and their semantics. I came to this section that touched on the topic of “trying”. For example; “I will try to lose weight this year.” or “I will try to make it to work on time.” As I continued to read I had one of those “AHA” moments. “Trying” to do something leaves a way out and speaks to our subconscious that we may or may not be able to accomplish what we desire. The difference between trying to do something and committing to do something has a huge psychological impact. When we commit to something we tend to complete that commitment.

I have committed to many things in the past, however I have found that my language these days leans more towards the “I will try” side of things.

I am no longer trying to be a man of God but I am committed to being a man of God. To me this means accepting His love and grace. I am learning to be more like Him and I have been told that if you want to be closer to God then read His WORD.

I am committed to being a great father. I will pray for wisdom and patience. I will watch what I say and how I behave. I will live my life like I want Madalyn to live.

I am committed to being a hard worker. I will work hard, giving my boss what he needs and I will continue to work hard at home with keeping my affairs in order.

I am committed to being a giver. No more will I wish I could give or only give when I feel that I am making a difference. I will give when I have a little or a lot and I will give often.

This time of the year we all try to change something in or lives. The gyms always seem to be busy until about March then they thin back out. People give up! I have watched people quit smoking only to start again. Everyone is “trying” but without commitment there is always room for failure.

How to Avoid Pain – Part 2 of Pain vs Pleasure

2010-01-17T15:10:00.000-08:00

Many times we think we can’t stand the pain – we just want it to go away and we pray for such.

In our lives I think there are different kinds of pain; self inflicted and situational. Many times we cause our own pain and suffering. We choose to go down the road of sin and end up suffering the consequences. In life we go through pain that results from what others have done. We lose a loved one to a tragedy, we get robbed, we get laid-off, or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So it is not possible to avoid pain altogether but by making wiser choices we can lessen the pain in our lives. When we are faced with pain we can learn to deal with it and choose to learn, grow, and share our experiences with others. Pain should not lead to bitterness, resentment, depression, or anger but should drive us to forgive, love, help, and understand others.

The pain from sin could have been avoided if we were to abide in God’s word and do what He says. Obedience to God’s will - will lead to a joyful life. However, as humans we tend to think at times that we know better and fall into sin or make the wrong decision that leads to painful consequences. Pain related to our sins can be avoided by not sinning, this is the type of pain that we can limit in our lives.

Is there any such thing as good pain? Ask an athlete training for an event, “No pain no gain.” Sometimes pain is required to reach a new level of pleasure and success in our lives. Pain and avoidance of pain is a great motivator. I know I suffer from procrastination at times. The closer the deadline draws near the more stressed and pressured I become to get the project done. I could avoid the stress simply by not procrastinating. I can avoid failed relationships by taking the time to work out my issues before hand. Yes, examining one’s self and improving can be a painful experience but it ultimately leads to great pleasure. This in itself will bring healthier people into my life – we tend to attract people whom are as emotionally healthy as we are. When you think about this it gets hard to blame our partner for our pain and suffering. We chose the relationship!

Through prayer and obedience to God we can avoid many pitfalls that interfere with our joy. We can look at life as an opportunity to be the best we can be. We should constantly strive for what will ultimately bring us the most pleasure in the long-run (not sinful pleasure).

Pain vs Pleasure - Sin Perspective Part 1

2010-01-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

It is common knowledge that there are two primary motivators in life, pain and pleasure. Looking back on my life I can see how this ties in biblically and why I made the mistakes I did and why I am pursuing the things I am today.

I believe every, sane, person has an aversion to pain but unfortunately we don’t always have enough insight to link our actions to future painful experiences. In Hebrews 11:25 it states, “He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time.” Of course we are more interested in the latter half but when I think about this and apply it towards my life it makes it clear why I got into the predicaments I did. Sin can be pleasurable for a season. I know when I had my first drink all I was thinking about was how much fun I would have. Over time the sin of being a drunk wasn’t fun anymore and I was in a constant state of pain, however the pain of quitting seemed to be even more unbearable. At this point it is living in degrees of pain and trying to avoid the worst but unfortunately it isn’t until we are at our worst we decide to make changes in our lives.

This pain vs pleasure mentality permeates our lives. We do it with drugs, alcohol, food, lying, stealing, spending money, cheating, sex, and other addictions. When in trouble we lie instead of facing the pain of getting in trouble or embarrassment. Instead of working hard for something we charge it on a credit card or steal it. Instead of working on a tough relationship with our spouse we cheat or close ourselves off. I guess the point I am trying to make is that when our lives are painful, miserable, depressing, and lacking we need to examine what we are doing to make it that way. We have control of our lives and whether we live in a state of pain and pleasure. Sometimes our pain thresholds are high and it takes a bit to see and feel but I have noticed that if I live to treat others as I would like to be treated and love God with all my heart then I tend to make fewer decisions that lead to sin and pain. People often blame others for the pain or pleasure in their lives, I know I did this for a spell after my divorce several years ago but that is wrong. We must be accountable for our own lives! It is possible to live healthy productive lives that are full of joy and contentment.

I can see the deception in the pleasure aspects of sin when I look to the future and envision where my life will be years down the road if I were to continue in that sin. I have also learned that I lose to sinful behavior and the more sin I have in my life then the less God I have in my life making things even worse. God’s people are needed in this day and age more than anything and to be effective we need to understand our purpose, we need to be accountable, and we can no longer be the victim. Now is the time to live!

Help Your Child Stay Healthy

2010-01-10T17:07:00.000-08:00

Question:

What can we do as parents to help our children stay at a healthy weight?

Answer:

Children stay at a healthy weight by balancing their diet with physical activity, just like adults. One of the best ways to improve your child’s health and the health of the entire family is to improve daily eating habits and activity levels for the entire family. As parents we have to be role models for our children, we can’t sit on the couch eating chips and expect our kids to make healthy choices. Spending time with our children being physically active equals quality time with our children we will remember and hopefully they will too.

Did You Know?

Americans are growing heavier. Today, the majority of adults are either overweight or obese and our children are following suit. Children that are overweight or obese are at risk of serious problems like: type 2 diabetes, asthma, heart disease, low self-esteem, and sleep problems. Children that are overweight tend to be overweight throughout their lives, they don’t grow out of it.

Take Action – Get Physically Active

Just like with adults children need the same type of physical activity, however we tend to go to the gym and expecting our children to do the same would be ridiculous. Children need aerobic activity, muscle strengthening activity, and bone strengthening activities.

Aerobic Activities for Children – include things such as running, dancing, and skipping

Muscle Strengthening Activities for Children – the number one place for children to get this type of activity is at the playground. Kids are always climbing and holding on to things at the playground.

Bone Strengthening Activities for Children – include sporting activities like basketball or jumping rope.

Planning Healthy Meals

Shop, cook, and plan your healthy meals. Madalyn loves to help at the store and she has learned the difference between junk food and good food. Get your children involved in some of the decision making and make it fun for them. Buy and serve more fruit, vegetables, and whole grains. In my opinion if you are buying anything that is boxed or prepackaged then you are giving a little in health arena. Preservatives and words that you can’t pronounce seem to fill nutritional labels these days and I steer clear of them as much as possible but it is okay to splurge every now and then. Whether my dinner came from a box or cooked from wholesome foods typically doesn’t take more time one way or another.

Again we need to be role models for our children when it comes to eating, we need to start by making smart food choices for ourselves and our kids will notice. One of the best resources that I have found concerning nutrition and healthy living is Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle. This book exposed many myths and logically makes sense to me.

We have all heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and there is a reason for it… because it is. Your body has just gone 8 – 10 hours without food. It is in need of food for energy and to replace muscle. Skipping breakfast can make children hungry, tired and more likely to snack on junk food later in the day. I know it does me. Watch out for sugary cereal directed towards children. You may want to check out this post on the worst cereals.

How Much Sleep is Enough?

We all need sleep but children need more sleep than adults and if children don’t get enough sleep they are at a higher risk of being overweight.

Children 2 – 5 need about 11 hours of sleep per day
Children 5 – 10 need about 10 hour of sleep per day
Children over the age of 10 need 9 hours of sleep per day

(According to Healthfinder.gov)

So there you have it… how to raise healthy children. Physical activity, diet, and sleep all play a major role in our children’s lives. But we have to adapt a healthy lifestyle for ourselves if we expect our children to.

Easy Homemade Pancakes

2010-01-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

Making things from scratch (when done right) seems to taste better and be better for you, even pancakes. I have a basic pancake recipe that is really good and easy to modify.

Pancake Recipe
* 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour (for healthier pancakes use whole wheat or a combination of both)
* 3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 tablespoon table sugar
* 1 1/4 cups milk (I use 1%)
* 1 egg
* 3 tablespoons melted butter (if using the microwave melt it slowly or it may explode and make a mess, yes I learned this the hard way.)

Mix the dry ingredients in a medium bowl then add the remaining ingredients. I mix them together with a fork so there isn't any special equipment needed. Pour in equal portions or the size you want on your preheated (300 degrees or so) Rival Fold-n-Store Griddle

Cook for about 5 minutes, until golden brown,then flip and cook another 5 minutes. Watch them so they don't burn. Thicker pancakes will take a bit longer to cook while thin ones will take less time. My recipe above makes about 6-7 pancakes.

Tips: Feel free to alter the recipe by adding various things. You can add banana, berries, protein powder, cinamon, nutmeg, etc. Don't worry if you ruin a batch, pancakes are an easy recipe to quickly start over if you totally mess it up.

Storing: As a single dad with only 1 little girl I always have pancakes left over. I learned that pancakes freeze great. Let them cool and put a piece of wax paper between remaining pancakes and put in a ziplock bag or freezer paper. When you are ready to eat them take them out and throw them in the microwave for 30 seconds or so. They are great! Breakfast in under a minute.

Christian Single Dad Mission Statement

2010-01-06T10:08:00.000-08:00

The Christian Single Dad Blog came to be several years ago, in 2007 to be exact, when I found myself coping with divorce trying to raise a small child between two very different households. Like many people I found myself with a lot of questions and it seemed my mistakes greatly out numbered my accomplishments. At first I used my blog as a platform to vent, vent, and vent but I have moved past that. I now look at the things in my life as well as my daughters’ that are working and that could use some work. There are so many different aspects to raising a child that each day I seem to find something new.

For Example: Because my nutritional goals are different than Madalyn’s I have to make sure I adjust my cooking accordingly. While I want to lose weight and look my best she needs the right kind of foods to help her remain energetic and grow. I want to teach my daughter healthy eating at a young age and hopefully she will thank me for it later. I am sure she will have a list of things to hold against me like not letting her date until she is 20.

Over the past couple years I have been exposed to situations and information that is alarming. Children are becoming more prone to food allergies, childhood diabetes, asthma, broken families, etc. I know I can’t protect my daughter from everything but there are things that I can do to teach her and to make her life better. So to the best of my ability I try to learn what I can about positive parenting, living a healthy lifestyle, building new relationships, loving god and others, simplifying life, goal setting, and becoming what I believe in.

My life has been one long struggle that I sometimes regret, however I don’t want to trade it in for anything if I were to lose the Lord or my daughter. My experiences got me where I am today and the only thing that matters is that I am a born again Christian with a beautiful daughter. In the past I struggled with alcohol, drugs, smoking, and countless sins. I am not proud of what I have done except for the fact that I have been alcohol and drug free since 1997, smoke free since 2007, and I sin a bit less than I did before. In fact my relationship with God finally seems to be flourishing more and more. My life’s goal is to be the best that I can be and to love as much as I can. If something is broken then it needs to be fixed and it is my journey to allow God to fix me and do my part so I can be the man that God destines me to be.

So when you read about dieting, exercising, relationship with God, parenting, goal setting, achieving greatness, being positive, and about falling on my face they all have a common thread. To make me the best Christian man and father that I can be in order to have a fulfilled joyous life that will rub off on my precious daughter.

Along my journey I come across products and services that I find helpful or interesting. There are some links on my website that will result in a commission for me if you purchase a product or service through them. This helps to keep my websites up and running throughout the year. I only list things that I think are helpful and there is never any obligation to purchase.

I welcome comments or questions so please feel free to email me at Jason.deines@gmail.com. However, I don’t have the time nor patience to bicker over biblical doctrine or other point of views on any of my topics, discusions are okay. I do the best I can and my opinion is not unique nor is it absolute.

I have a couple other websites that are aimed at providing helpful information to people, feel free to visit them:

Divorce Recovery and Support
Health Effects of Smoking - Quit Smoking Help

Raising a Confident Child – Part 2

2010-01-05T17:30:00.000-08:00

Appreciative Praise…

Appreciative praise helps your children understand how behavior affects others and is free of evaluation. It gives you an opportunity to mention specific behavior and the positive effects. For example, “Thank you for helping clean the living room, it made that chore easier.”

Expresses thanks for a specific behavior.

Describes the positive effect it had on your life or that of others.

Tells what behaviors are helpful.

Shares appreciation.

When using appreciative praise you should keep the following in mind. Be sincere! Children can tell when the praise is genuine. Comment on what you observed. Be specific and describe the action you observed. “You really worked at helping your little sister tie her shoes. Now we won’t have to worry about her tripping over her shoe laces.”

Evaluative Praise…

Even though your intensions are good you want to steer clear of evaluative praise. This praise is when you simply tell your children that they are terrific, super, excellent and so on. Yes, it is a positive comment however, a value is put on the child that may limit their options for living up to your praise and for applying it in other situations. While being “terrific” feels good at first, it is nearly impossible to maintain. Your child may feel pressure to constantly live up to the expectations of being terrific. In addition, this may not have been a terrific effort on their part and they could end up feeling guilty.

I know I found these tips helpful when it comes to praising Madalyn I hope they are helpful to you as well.

Raising a Confident Child Part 1

Raising a Confident Child – Part 1

2009-12-31T17:28:00.000-08:00

There seems to be a difference between good praise and bad praise. One leads to a self-centered attitude while the other builds a positive self-image and self-esteem. As a parent I don’t want my daughter to struggle with some of the same self-image issues that I have struggled with all these years. I now see the light and the power in a positive self-image. With the right praise we can raise our children to be less dependent on what others think and make decisions based on what they approve of for themselves. It is when we are worried about what others think we tend to fall under the bad influences of others. I know I did and I went down a long road that most likely took years off my life and stunted my emotional growth for years.

How to Praise Children

Praise should not be void of context, effort, or accomplishment. Also, praise should not be limited to raise a “responsible” child. Here are some simple tips to praise your children from family.samhsa.gov – Affirming our children’s attempts as well as successes helps them achieve their goals. However, it is the content and the context as much as the act of praising that helps them develop concepts of fairness, effort, competence, and achievement as they relate to others.

Using descriptive and appreciative praise can help them develop self-confidence and self-motivation.

Descriptive Praise…

Focuses on the specifics of their accomplishments.

Is free of evaluation.

Affirms what has been done rather than evaluates what has been done.

Leaves room for your child to draw their own conclusion and make the evaluation. “I feel proud or I am creative.”

The evaluation of the level of effort is internal. It is being appreciated by the person the child needs to trust most – themselves.

When you give descriptive praise to your children you should do it so they feel good about themselves and reinforce their behavior. Be honest and mean what you say! “I am happy with the way your effort has improved your math grade.” Offer praise along the way. You can start praising your child before they make it to the end. “I see your effort is helping you make progress on getting more math questions right.” Mix up and build your vocabulary. Use different words to help describe your child’s accomplishments. Be specific. Talk about the child’s specific accomplishment in terms of their performance and real skills or talent. Say, “I like the way you organized and wrote your book report,” not just “I’m proud of you.”

Raising a Confident Child Part 2

Eating Healthy - Cutting out Trans Fat

2009-12-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

The more I learn about healthy eating and making the right food choices for Madalyn and myself I am amazed at just how bad I have been doing. I have been reading “Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle” by Tom Venuto and it has opened my eyes to a lot of the controversy and the “dos” and “don’ts” in the dieting world. If you are interested in making a long-term lifestyle change I suggest the book. Don’t worry about him being a professional bodybuilder, the book is designed to help people meet their weight goals in a healthy way without fad diets and one program fits all hype.

The real issue for this post is TRANS FATS. We have heard it before about the dangers of trans fats and I must say I am blown away by what I am learning. I found a great site that talks all about trans fats detailing the dangers and how to detect foods that have them.
http://www.acaloriecounter.com/trans-fat-foods.php

The gist of what I am learning is that I need to get away from processed foods and get back down to the basics. Eating lean meats, vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and dairy are essential to living healthy. When you know the foods to eat then it is a matter of determining your goals and body type to determine the right combinations. Reading the label of any product is important to determine what you are really getting. Again that is why whole natural foods should be consumed the most. You know what you are getting. I can’t believe how much money I am saving by eating whole natural foods. Trans fats are hidden in all sorts of foods and unless you know what to look for you could be eating them. I have found several sources that say we should avoid any and all trans fats.

The food industry is pushing all these healthy foods (non fat, no trans fat, etc) yet obesity, food allergies, and childhood diabetes are on the rise. These types of claims can be misleading. I think we all have a responsibility to ourselves and our children to do the best we can and when we make healthy eating choices we are benefiting our family now and in the future. Choosing the "EASY" way now could be disasterous down the road.

What is Trans Fat?

Basically, trans fat is made when manufacturers add hydrogen to vegetable oil--a process called hydrogenation. Hydrogenation increases the shelf life and flavor stability of foods containing these fats.

Trans fat can be found in vegetable shortenings, some margarines, crackers, cookies, snack foods, and other foods made with or fried in partially hydrogenated oils. Unlike other fats, the majority of trans fat is formed when food manufacturers turn liquid oils into solid fats like shortening and hard margarine. A small amount of trans fat is found naturally, primarily in dairy products, some meat, and other animal-based foods.

Trans fat, like saturated fat and dietary cholesterol, raises the LDL cholesterol that increases your risk for CHD. Americans consume on average 4 to 5 times as much saturated fat as trans fat in their diets.

Although saturated fat is the main dietary culprit that raises LDL, trans fat and dietary cholesterol also contribute significantly.

Insight into Goal Setting

2009-12-20T11:04:00.000-08:00

I have done quite a bit of reading on goal setting and about making the most out of life. Well last week in church I came across a nice story written by Tim LaHaye called “True Riches”. I have been thinking about it all week and how to apply it to my life and the goals that I have set. I think it has great insight into setting goals as a Christian – so here goes:

Never settle for second-rate or selfish goals. Earl Nightingale, who probably has helped to motivate more people than any other living person, advises that people desiring success should never try to get rich. Above all, set goals for yourself that involve helping other people; the riches will follow. He has certainly captured the Biblical principle, “Give, and it will be given to you.” (Luke 6:38)

The richest people I know are those that have given themselves unselfishly to other people. Such motivation will affect the way you cook ,sell, teach, or ply your particular trade. True riches, of course, are totally unrelated to money or material reward. In fact, if a person has earned money without helping people, his money will not buy him happiness.

A perceptive real estate friend who sold rather expensive homes observed that a big house never brought happiness. But if people bought a big home with money they earned helping other people, they tended to enjoy that home. He expressed his homespun philosophy in these words, “Instead of buying a status symbol, a home should be an expression of how much help a person has been to his fellowman.” Of one thing I am sure: Happy people have strong goals – and somehow these include helping other people. They can also be assured that they will never run out of people to help.

Relationship with a Woman

2009-12-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

You might be thinking that this is another on of those pleas from Jason for a wife. Well gotch-ya, it isn’t.

I have been considering Madalyn and her relationship with her mother. The way her mom drops her off or has me pick her up during her time, usually because she is upset about something has me concerned. The kid loves her mom so much and I understand that but I am concerned that as Madalyn gets older she may start to think that she is to blame for her mother’s actions. Her mom tells her that she is never going to see her again and it sends Madalyn into tears saying, “Daddy I love you but I don’t want to be with you forever.” I know what she means but how do I convince her that everything is going to be okay? That her mom will be back she is just having another one of those moments. I am scared that Madalyn is not going to be able to have loving friendships with others because she is fearful of being rejected. I know I can’t fix her mom, hell I can’t even get her to admit to any wrong doing and effect change. I guess I am not sure what I can do to help Madalyn at this point.

Cereal for Breakfast – What Are You Feeding Your Kids

2009-12-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

It isn’t uncommon to serve up a bowl of cereal for breakfast. I am guilty, it is fast and easy but is it healthy? That is the dilemma… when it comes to cereal for children, according to a recent Yale study; the children are exposed to the least healthy breakfast cereals.

According to the study:

Cereals marketed to children have 85% more sugar, 65% less fiber and 60% more sodium than cereals marketed to adults for adult consumption. In addition, 42% of the child-targeted cereals contain artificial food dyes compared to 26% of family cereals and 5% of adult cereals.

Check out http://cerealfacts.org for more information or see where your cereal ranks and what the best brand is at http://cerealfacts.org/media/Marketing_Rankings/Brand_Nutrition.pdf

So who was labeled as the Worst offender? General Mills

Just a little food for thought when you are serving up your next breakfast. I know my kid gets enough sugar and it wouldn’t hurt to cut some of it out of her diet. It is easy to track with the candy and fruit snacks but breakfast is an easy meal to forget about when it comes to sugar. BTW: Kellogg and Post had better ratings. Over all it looks like if you want your kids to eat healthy cereal serve them up the cereal marketed to adults. It isn’t all bad… right?

Setting Health Goals for Children

2009-12-06T13:50:00.000-08:00

The past several weeks I have been on a diet, actually I am trying to encourage a lifestyle change to eat better and lose some unwanted body fat. Naturally Madalyn has been a recipient of my new diet - eating the boring meals I have been making. Last night she even told me how much she misses pizza… Poor kid, daddy misses pizza too and I miss chocolate, ice cream, pasta, dr pepper, fruit snacks, etc. The real hard part is that I work for a sugar company and we get all sorts of goodies this time of the year, that are very tempting, from our customers and third party associates. It is hard to say no to 5# blocks of chocolate or cookies that melt in your mouth from across the country. ---Oh boy! Huge digression here—back to the point.

Studies have shown that the prevalence of obesity among children aged 6 – 11 has more than doubled over the years. It has tripled for ages 12 – 19. Overweight children have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults. We all have heard the risks of being overweight and how it affects the body; increased risk of diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, asthma, arthritis, etc.

I have started setting goals for myself and I think setting goals for Madalyn is a great idea. If we don’t know where we want to go then we will never get there.

I know it is difficult to set goals for your children but this is really more of a goal setting exercise for you to do with your children. Setting goals helps to be accountable and promote growth and discipline.

Types of goals you can set to help your children live healthy lives:

I will cook healthy foods for myself and my children.

I will get regular physical activity with my children.

I will minimize sugary snacks.

I will get involved with my children at school.

I will be physically active with my children 3 times per week.

You see where this is heading? Promote health and being physically active with your children. Be a “doer” not a “talker”. Have a plan of action on how to accomplish your goals and it will go much smoother.

I have also been considering getting a Wii for myself and Madalyn. I hear that the sports games that come with it are pretty cool and there are games for children of all ages. The price has sure come down on them and when the weather gets colder it is neat to have fun things to do inside that help get physically active. I have seen the Wii on Amazon
for $199.

Asking God for the Small Stuff

2009-12-02T09:29:00.000-08:00

Throughout my day I find that I have no shortage of requests for God and to ask Him for what seems to be insignificant things I consider to be a “no-no”.

Recently Madalyn or me, misplaced a couple “my little ponies” and we spent a lot of time looking for them. We even decided to clean the house as we looked for them. Yes, the couch under the cushions got vacuumed, the floor underneath the couch was got scrubbed, no stone was being left unturned, so I thought.

Nevertheless we were unable to locate her little ponies. She even called from her mom’s to inquire about my progress throughout the week. “Still nothing honey”, I reported.

So during the week I went to church and one of the assistant pastors was telling a story to the congregation about losing his name tag the day before and stressing about it. Yes, I said a name tag but don’t hold it against him he is a great guy. Anyhow he mentioned how he prayed to God for help finding it and in fact he did find it, the where I am not going to tell you because it is a bit grouse.

This ended up being another one of those “aha” moments for me. The minute I got home I asked God to help me find these little ponies for my girl and AMAZINGLY I went straight to them. I was astonished, not that God could do it but that He did do it.

At times I guess I put God into this box that He is too busy to help with the small things but I think really what this teaches is that I need to rely on God and trust Him for EVERYTHING. The bible says to pray without ceasing and God isn’t going to be offended because I asked for help to find something that ended up taking up much of my time and when found made my little girl very happy. Now has she played with them since their discovery… “NO!” But I take it that she is like her dad a bit that when something is missing it needs to be found whether we are going to use it or not.

Trust God for all things; small, medium, and large.

If you have a story to share I would love to hear it!

Drama-Drama-Drama

2009-11-30T08:38:00.000-08:00

My life is much like a “Soap Opera”, as my mother would say. Personally I would prefer a life with less drama but I guess I go through what I do because of choices I have made in the past. I have learned that in the face of adversity and chaos that there is more to look forward to later in life, the day of peace will come.

Without going into too much detail… I had another one of those weekends with my ex-wife. She shows up at 11pm with Madalyn and her new husband (without warning). It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I felt a complete rush of adrenalin. Thoughts included:

1. What the hell are you doing here?
2. You have a husband?
3. Why me?

Of course it is always a pleasure to see the kid so I hugged the stuffing out of her. I figured she probably was a bit confused so I spent some time loving on her before addressing the ex.

My late night visitors sit and I (and the new husband) begin to be lectured about how poorly we treat her, mind you I have not had a conversation with this woman for months. It only took about 15 seconds before I stopped her and dismissed her with “get over it, look in the mirror and stop blaming your life’s problems on everyone else.”

It was effective, however she left her husband standing in my home. Note to self: when dismissing ex from home make sure the new husband is in the car before hand.

Here is the advice to all you that are single and thinking about getting married. Marrying the wrong person can affect your sanity and divorce doesn’t sever the ties, especially if there are children involved. Don’t ignore the “red flags” especially the major ones.

For Google

2009-11-28T14:40:00.000-08:00

Google please visit often http://www.publicdomain-pictures.com

God vs the World

2009-11-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

Every so often it is important to take an inventory of how and who we are living our lives for. It is very easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of this world and get side tracked from our true calling.

Here are 5 points (questions) that help me to refocus and sometimes point out the ugly reality of my life, that I have a foot on both sides of the fence.

1. How should I be living? I should be living a life responding to God. Is that what I am doing?
2. What is my goal in life? To know Jesus and have a loving and intimate relationship with Him.
3. What am I doing to achieve questions 1 & 2? Knowing the answers is not enough. I need to have a plan to achieve my goal of living a life for God.
4. What am I running towards? Often times I find myself running towards the things of this world rather than Jesus.
5. What desires of my flesh are holding me back? For me this often comes to sex and money. Yep I am putting that out there for everyone to see. The last time I checked I was still an imperfect human and I can honestly say that the things that tend to hold me back are these desires.

For the past week I have been looking at ways to get both feet back on the side for God. I have been trying to “fast” not from food but from the world. I have spent very little time on the computer trying to make an extra buck. Instead I have given more of that time over to being content with what I have. Taking time to read and relax. Another area of my life that has helped to follow God is to get in the giving mode. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing anymore. I can give of my time, money, and resources. I look around my home and see so many things I wasted money on. Five, Ten, or Fifteen dollars here and there can go a long way in helping people when the right people get it. So I have been stepping out and giving a little at a time and it feels good.

Sometimes I realize that I am holding on way to tight to things and instead of feeling more secure I feel depressed and anxious. Is it the things that we hold on to the tightest that are keeping us from God? I think in my case that may be…

Thoughts on the Street Beggar

2009-11-23T08:41:00.000-08:00

In a nutshell I am curious how others deal with the homeless begging on the corner of every shopping center in town. I understand times are tough and many are trying to make it for their families but how do you tell the difference between the professional street beggar and the one that is there out of circumstance.

I hate giving money to someone and having to worry they are just going to run out and buy smokes or booze. Boise, Idaho is such that there are many shelters and organizations that feed and provide shelter for the homeless so I struggle with handing money out my window to a stranger. I would much rather donate it to the local food bank or shelter to make the most of it. Plus handing money out the window seems so impulsive and to me that isn’t how we are supposed to be with our finances. I don’t know…

Any thoughts because I feel a bit callous about this whole thing.

God’s Recipe for Managing Anxiety

2009-11-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

With life comes anxiety, even more so if you have children. It is easy to be consumed with worry and anxiousness. For me I don’t realize just how much anxiety I have until I lay down to go to sleep. It doesn’t take long for the thoughts and emotions to come rushing out preventing me from getting my beauty sleep which in turn causes more anxiety. It has taken me a long time to learn how to deal with anxiety and there is a simple formula.

1. Admit to being anxious
2. Know the Lord is near
3. Don’t be anxious about anything
4. Prayer and petition
5. Thanksgiving
6. Peace of God will guard you heart and mind

So now you are probably wondering “Jason what the heck are you talking about?” The point is this… We need to come to a place in our lives where we can see the anxiety and worry, not just living our lives on auto pilot. We need to be “confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:6)

When we admit that we are anxious we are directing our attention towards it to fix things. We need to remember that God is with us and that He tells us not to be anxious about anything for tomorrow will worry about itself. Through prayer; thanksgiving and petitions we give it over to God and He will guard our hearts and minds.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” These are the types of things we should be thinking on.

I apply this to my life by laying in bed and relaxing, praying and thanking God for what He has and is doing for me. If my mind acts up again, I offer up additional thanksgivings. Sometimes I have to open the bible and read a bit but usually the anxious worrisome thoughts that are keeping me up subside.

Additional information on managing severe anxiety

First, Be A Man

2009-11-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

For me it is a rare thing to read books published in the early 1900's but I think I have stumbled across an author that I like... Orison Swett Marden. He is straight forward and I could see how to some he may be too honestly brutal.

Wanted, a man who will not lose his individuality in a crowd,k a man who has the courage of his convictions, who is not afraid to say "No," though all the world say "Yes."

Wanted, a man who, though he is dominated by a mighty purpose, will not permit one great faculty to dwarf, cripple, warp, or mutilate his manhood; who will not allow the over-development of one faculty to stunt or paralyze his other faculties.

Wanted, a man who is larger than his calling, who considers it a low estimate of his occupation to value it merely as a means of getting a living. Wanted, a man who sees self-development, education and culture, discipline and drill, character and manhood, in his occupation.

Kind of poetic isn't it and from a godly perspective it makes some sense. God is always calling us to be more. To have his character, to be on fire for him and the kingdom.

The great need at this hour is manly men. We want no goody-goody piety, we have too much of it. We want men who will do right, though the heavens fall, who believe in God, and who will confess Him. -- REV. W.J. Dawson

Rags to Riches

2009-11-13T06:56:00.000-08:00

There are many ways to success and many degrees. Much of it depends on the person and what God has called them to do. Beecher said, "Do the best you can where you are; and, when that is accomplished, God will open a door for you, and a voice will call, "Come up hither into a higher sphere."

Do not think just because you don't have money or capital to begin with you wont' be successful. Most of the rich men of the years began poor. The chances are you would be ruined if you had money. You can only use to advantage what has become a part of yourself by you earning it. It is estimated that not one rich man's son in 10,000 dies rich. God has given every man a capital to start with; we are born rich. He is rich who has good health, a sound boyd, good muscles; he is rich who has a good head, a good disposition, a good heart; he is rich who has two good hands, with five chances on each.

Equipped?

Every man is equipped as only God could equip him. What a fortune he possesses in the marvelous mechanism of his body and mind. It is individual effort that has accomplished everything worth accomplishing in this world. Money to start with is only a crutch, which, if any misfortune knocks it from under you, would only make your fall all the more certain.

Selecting the Right Fruits and Vegetables

2009-11-10T08:33:00.000-08:00

As a single dad I have realized that grocery shopping can have its challenges. With all the different selections these days and the long list of ingredients that I can’t pronounce I have cut way back on packaged foods and am buying fresh types of food products. While I am on the subject of shopping I do need to ask one quick question. I seem to have this perception that women are born with the ability to pick good fruit and vegetables. Is this true and should I stop watching them to see how they do it??

In the likelihood that I never get an answer to this question or it stirs up debate for years I have come across certain top secret information for men on how to pick the right foods to eat.

I have learned that buying more than a weeks worth of produce only leads to waste and if I plan my consumption ahead of time I tend only buy what I can eat. I also have to put my vegetables out where I can see them because I forget, at times, that I bought a particular one to munch on during a weekend day until it is too late. So when the weekend is coming I like to put the cucumber or whatever I bought that I don’t usually cook with on the shelf so I can see it. That way when the time comes on Saturday I can chop it up, put it in a bowl, set it on the coffee table, and munch on it throughout the day. A quick not about cucumbers is to look for ones that are bright and even colored. It should look fresh. A cucumber should be firm on both ends and throughout and smaller cucumbers tend to have a larger flesh to seed ratio. If you are going to eat the whole cucumber or seed it you are better off getting a smaller cucumber.

Okay I know you don’t really care about my eating habits so lets look at how to select produce at the store. For starters you want to look at the color, firmness, and crispness of the produce. This tends to occur when the produce is in season. It seems that over the years fruit and vegetables have lost their flavor. So I try to pay even more attention to picking the right produce. If it is bruised or wilted then steer away from it. It isn’t going to last much longer and may not taste very good. Yes, I learned this the hard way.

Each fruit and vegetable has its uniqueness about it and may require a bit more investigation… For example, when buying watermelons you want to look for a rough yellow patch on it. If it doesn’t have one it may mean that it was picked too early. I am a huge grape fan and I hate getting a bad batch but if you pick grapes that are firm, smooth, and still attached to the vine it increases your chances of getting good grapes.

I know this isn’t an all conclusive list but there is tons of information out there about buying fruits and vegetables. Each one has its own little quirks. Happy shopping.

Help Connecting with God

2009-11-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

Tips for Making Time with God

1. Making going to church a priority! Many churches have several service times and some on Saturday nights. The also provide childcare. If going to church isn't an option at this point and time try watching a sermon on TV from a local church. You can also find sermons online but don't surf the Internet at the same time. Treat it as if you are really there with bible in hand.

2. Find a small group, bible study, to attend during the week! I go every other week on a day I don't have Madalyn. I look for groups that are close to where I live so it doesn't take long to get home afterward... I need my sleep.

3. Find time to read your bible! My daughter tends to be high maintenance so at times I feel I'm not able to read my bible or do many other things that need done. You would be surprised at the opportunities you may be passing up, I was. Trust me, I know there is always something that needs to get done but when you are nourishing the Spirit when you do get to those "to dos" they just go that much quicker and easier.

a) Make time in the morning, before the kids get up. I don't do this because I am not a good morning person, I wish I was but I like to hit the snooze way to much.

b) Chances are the kids are going to want to watch their favorite show or cartoon for a little bit when you get home. Instead of watching it with them or jumping into the chores spend the next 15 minutes or so of reading.

c) Read a chapter out loud to the kids at the dinner table while eating.

d) Take your bible to work and read on your break or lunch hour.

e) Buy an Apple iPod or MP3 Player, download sermons and listen to them while at work or the gym.

f) If your commute is long enough plan on listening to a NIV Audio Bible, to and from work. Get some good bible studies on CD.

g) Sing a worship song while making dinner... the kids might even join in.

h) Pray to God throughout the day with whatever comes to mind.

These are but a few tips... I am sure there are lots more. The point is to make God a priority every day. Now that I said that I would also like to add don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfect. We are saved by Grace not works.

Additional Posts and Resources For Connecting with God

Gods Recipe for Managing Axiety
Asking God for the Small Stuff

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup and Biscuits

2009-11-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

Even though there is no shortage of resources on the internet or every where else for that matter about cooking I have decided since I really like to cook I am going to start a new section on healthy cooking and eating. Of course the healthy part may be up for debate however eventually I will have many fun and tasty recipes that I have enjoyed with my little girl. Yes, these have been child approved.

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup with Biscuits

Chicken Soup Ingredients

1 49.5oz can of chicken broth
2 cups chopped carrots
2 cups chopped celery
1 small chopped onion
2 6oz cooked and chopped chicken breast
2 cups egg noodles

Biscuit Ingredients

1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder (yes that is one and a half teaspoons, not one half)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons olive oil

While the chicken is cooking chop and combine all the ingredients except for the egg noodles into a 5.5 quart sauce pan (or whatever pan you have that is big enough). Once the chicken is done, chop it up and add it to the pot. Bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer for about 15 minutes. During this time prepare your biscuits (continued below). After the 15 minutes add your 2 cups of egg noodles and cook for about another 10 minutes.

Making the biscuits...
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (on bake). Mix the dry ingredients in a medium sized bowl then add the oil and milk, mix well. The dough may be a bit sticky but that is okay. Portion the dough out into a mini muffin pan, if you don't have one use a cookie sheet but try to make 10 to 12 muffins. Bake them for 10 or so minutes until they start turning brown. Serve with the soup.

Makes about 4 to 5 servings

Tips: I like to buy ready to cook and quick frozen chicken. All you have to do is throw it in the pan and cook. Feel free to get creative by adding other vegetables you and your kids like. In my opinion Tabasco never hurts anything just don't forget to dish up the kids' first. Top off your biscuits with a little dill weed for a different flavor or paprika for color (do this before baking).

How to Pick up an Upset Child from Moms (or Dads)

2009-11-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

Another year has passed and you would think getting through the holidays would just get that much easier. Unfortunately it isn’t always like that. Every where you turn families are preparing the way for a grand celebration. Even with the fun at hand there seems to be a bit of tension and stress around holiday season. For me it is the shuttling of Madalyn between mom and dads’ house that really gets to me.

Sometimes it is really hard because I would show up to the door to pick her up and she would kick and scream all the way to the car and home. Of course she was just having too much fun to leave. There is much to this co-parenting thing and if you have a good relationship with your ex then it makes things a lot easier. Unfortunately I don’t have that luxury at this point however, I have not let it stop me from doing the best I can.

1. Getting beyond the kicking and screaming – I have learned that children don’t like surprises. I am not talking about surprising them with a trip to Dairy Queen I am talking about a sudden change in activity. The sooner I can help prepare Madalyn for the change the better things have gone. For example; when I know that I will be picking her up or her mom is going to pick her up I prepare her a few days in advance and remind her until that time comes, “Daddy is picking you up tomorrow at four so be ready.” I also reinforce that throwing a fit is not okay. Since I have been doing this she listens really well and understands. Sometimes she is sad and says so and I completely understand but it passes and she soon finds her happy place again.

2. Be prepared for the worst – no parent likes to have to haul their kid to the car kicking and screaming but the sad truth is it happens. When I am prepared for the possibility I am able to react in a healthy way. There were times that I would snap at Madalyn and would always regret it later. Preparing for the worst has 2 parts; 1) I mentally prepare for it and remind myself that it is not personal – she is only four. 2) I prepare for her by bringing a nice little snack and her favorite stuffed Dora. It is hard for her to keep crying when she is popping jelly beans in her mouth and Dora is trying to tickle her.

3. Have an agenda – so what now… I am going over to daddy’s house to do what? I like to have a plan in motion whether we are going to stop by a family members for dinner, play some Chutes and Ladders, head off to the park, or maybe I have a special movie in mind. By sharing with Madalyn what I have in mind helps put her at ease. As she thinks about it she becomes less stressed about leaving her mom’s.

This has worked for me in the past and it can be used for other situations but I have found that the holidays are particularly more difficult and stressful for all involved.

It All Starts with a Desire

2009-11-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

I’ve noticed that at times I am an all or nothing kind of guy. If I can’t feed the world then why bother helping out at all or if I can’t care for a large group of people then why care at all. Sounds a bit harsh doesn’t it? Even a bit stupid. However I find myself in the frame of mind that more is better and if I can’t give everything in a perfect way then why give at all. I am learning that giving in small portions is okay and that God isn’t measuring what I am giving but the heart of giving.

I recently helped with a food pantry and the only shortage was food. As I saw all these families coming through and the shelves emptying all I could think about is what I would do if I were rich. Well of course I would fill the shelves with food. But obviously I am not rich so what is the point, I will keep on doing what I am doing which is literally nothing…. Back to the all or nothing concept.

So finally the church put out a call for food and I thought it was about time I stepped up to the plate. All they asked for was a commitment for each family to bring 1 can of food weekly. ONE CAN! Gee I can do that but will it really help? After seeing the stock pile last week it sure looks like it is going to make a difference and I started with a desire to help but was held back by limiting beliefs. By acting on the desire to give I have been able to feel better about serving God in small significant ways.

I am learning that if I don’t follow the desires that God is placing in my heart with the resources I have been blessed with then I am limiting the quality of my life. If I am not going to step up to the plate then God will find someone else to fill the gap.

Jonah 33 Faith Like That

2009-10-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

Revisiting the Past

2009-10-30T09:34:00.000-07:00

Are you guilty of constantly revisiting the past? I know I can have my moments where revisiting the past becomes an issue. I mean it is okay to remember and learn from past mistakes but is it our mistakes that define us or what we learn from them. I hope because of some of the mistakes that I have made that I have become a better person, however when I revisit only to condemn myself or put myself in a negative light I am hurting myself. I don’t have to keep revisiting the shame of my past because God’s grace, His sacrifice on the cross, has freed me from this.

Why is it that the Creator of all things can forgive me yet I can’t forgive myself? Forgiveness equals Freedom! I long for this freedom and the peace and joy that comes with it. When I don’t forgive myself I will revisit the shame of my past and I will continue to live in bondage preventing God to fully utilize me.

When we learn from our mistakes, which we all make, and we set our eyes on the future rather than the past we can discover who we are meant to be and actually make a difference. By doing what God has called us to do we can affect change in the people around us and the world. Granted we may not always be around to see it but nevertheless it is happening.

God help me to stop looking at my past, help me to see me as you see me and use me for your purpose. May I not seek the things of the world but the things that will bring you glory and joy. May I do your will for the good of the kingdom. Please bring people in my life to help during this journey, ones that will mentor to me and ones that I can mentor too. We are a new creation in you God! Thank you for your loving grace and all the good you have brought out of a life filled with mistakes and shame.

Amen

Here is another prayer that a pastor friend of mine found. It seems to be popular on the internet however, I have never seen it.

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.

Franciscan Benediction

I Love Fall

2009-10-26T16:48:00.001-07:00

Really not much to mention here except the fact that I love fall but this year has been crazy. So far it seems we are going from summer to luke warm back to summer. Somehow the trees know that fall is here but I just don't feel it. We are going from a beautiful week where playing outside was a must to it could snow down here in Boise Idaho. Snow is winter and I don't think I am quite ready for that. Especially since I have not gotten the sprinklers blown out yet. Thank God for all wonderful seasons.

The People God Puts in Our Lives

2009-10-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

Over the years people have come in and out of my life and at times I wonder where they went… Did I do something to drive them away, did they get bored with me or could it be that the task they were sent to do has been completed and it was time for them to move on?

I have learned that God looks at the big picture when I am incapable of even fathoming the big picture. Even though God did not plan for my marriage to fail He foresaw it and planned for it. Ultimately I was supposed to learn something and become more Christ-like from the experience. Maybe I was supposed to learn something about other people, maybe something about me, or both. I am leaning towards both, I hope that God will use what I have gone through to help others, that is if I allow it. Sometimes I really need to put myself out there and I am not good at stepping outside of my comfort zone. But I have noticed that God is bringing people to me that are in a lot of pain and instead of me helping them they seem to be helping me. Their faith, hope, and outlook on life is encouraging. A blessing that makes me smile from ear to ear. God is using people all around the world to touch one another, help one another, mold us, teach us, comfort us, etc. At times things seem beyond hope until you look back a year later and see the tremendous progress you made and the people’s lives that have touched you and vice versa.

We all don’t have a Billy Graham or Chuck Smith ministry that touches millions but we do have a ministry that is just as important. The way we live our lives is our ministry, the people we interact with on a daily basis, how we treat our family… These are all important ministries. I know I have far to go obviously being divorced I have failed at my first marriage but I have learned tremendously! I have learned what love truly is and am eager to give all that I can. I have been blessed with a wonderful little girl that has completely melted my heart. I have learned compassion for the parent in the grocery store whose child is throwing fit.

A child can give great lessons on patience, compassion, love, long suffering - the fruits of the Spirit!

The point is we are all working for a greater good and God is using us whether we know it or not. As Christians we can rest assured that God is completing the good work that He started in us. Even when things seem to be falling apart… Maybe those are the times we learn the best.

Putting Others First - Again

2009-10-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at how powerful some of the letters in the bible are. Right now at church we are going through Philipians and we aren't halfway through and I have been touched every sermon. I am no stranger to being self-centered and since Madalyn has been in my life I have been able to understand what it means to put others first, to take care of their needs before my own. I know it is easy to want to take care of family needs but I have seen this overflowing to other parts of my life. I know I am always going to be a work in progress and I want to teach Madalyn how good it feels to help others. God is really taking this time to touch my heart. Isn't it weird how you can learn new things each time you read a book in the bible, even if it is for the 50th time? God is good!

On the Look Out for Germs

2009-10-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

I don’t know how things are going where you folks live but here in Boise it seems that when anyone sneezes they run off to the hospital freaking out about having the swine flu. Granted some might but all they are doing is exposing everyone else that is around them. I think on one recent weekend we had over 200 people hit the emergency room clogging it up creating a huge mess. Its still the flu so really what can the doctor do about it? I agree we need to be careful but we don’t need to over react and live in fear. As for me and Madalyn I just try and use common sense and make sure we both are washing our hands and using sanitizer.

The point of this post pertains to an article I recently read about “Where Germs Hide.” I thought it was pretty interesting and makes complete sense. So where do germs hide?

1. Grocery Store – shopping carts and seat buckets are the worst but you also have to look out for the conveyer belt at check out.
2. The Playground – face it kids are messing and carry germs. The playground is a place where they can freely trade germs.
3. Public Restrooms – you would think that it is the toilet that has the most germs but guess what it is the sink.
4. At the Office – this one is pretty easy, the places where the germs are is the phone and desk. Here is a shocker, studies show that the desk has 400 times more germs than the toilet seat.
5. Restaurants – the biggest offenders here is the table top and high chairs.
6. Library – counter tops and hand rails.
7. Malls – watch out for the escalator handles, GERMS!

So basically it is obvious we are all going to die from germs. I wonder how we survived this long. Thank goodness for hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes.

Changes

2009-10-13T19:17:00.001-07:00

What’s with all the Questions

2009-10-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

You know I used to laugh at folks when their kids were always asking questions and I really never gave it much thought… that is until recently. OMG!!! Will it ever stop? :-) I am trying my best to answer the whys and the why to the answer and the why to that but I don’t think I can handle too much more. As I sit here and write this I am cracking myself up but last night I wanted to pull my hair out. I know it is part of growing up but I do hope I survive because I sure feel stupid for not being able to answer the elusive WHY.

Accepting and Sharing the Love of God

2009-10-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I was contacted by Michele Elena Bondi the author of Your Personal Apostolate: Accepting and Sharing the Love of God and she offered to share her book with me. She is a single mom who has a genuine love for God. Her book is organized in a manner that it makes it easy to apply to my personal life. There is a short chapter detailing a quality of God and how He is working in our lives, meeting us where we are at. She then adds a section on she relates that lesson in her life upon which she ends with some questions for the reader and a short prayer. I have not finished the book yet but I like it. The chapters are straight to the point and perfect for someone trying to fit in some reading while hangin out with their child.

Last night I finished the section on Love and I told Madalyn that I really felt loved when she cuddled with me the way she was doing. I asked her what I did that made her feel loved. Well earlier she wanted a chocolate bar and I said NO so of course she said she felt loved when I give her chocolate bars. Silly Goose!!! Don't worry I didn't give in. She could barely keep a straight face when she was saying it anyhow. Here is the link to the book again Your Personal Apostolate: Accepting and Sharing the Love of God hope you like it and thanks Michele.

Starting Your Own Website

2009-10-04T20:08:00.001-07:00

Every now and again someone wants to know about starting their own website and I have to tell them that it is pretty darn easy. Now of course this depends on its use but when I started my Christian Divorce Recovery site I thought I might be getting in over my head but it actually worked out okay. Starting an ecommerce site I don't have a clue. Starting a website can have a lot advantages and be used for different things. There are tools such as blogger (this site) that are free if you want to dink around a bit but if you are going to take the plunge long-term you may consider buying a domain and getting a webhost provider like Hostgator that offers Free Domain With $6.95 Hosting Package. Most webhosting companies have the tools to build a site and get it online. So if you are interested you may want to give it a shot. It is very affordable and I find it to be fun - most of the time.

Managing Employees

2009-09-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

Post edited because of possible legal reasons... Sorry.

Managing employees is hard sometimes!

God bless and thanks for the advice.

Pain-Free Life

2009-09-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I wrote about not catching a break. It just seemed nothing was going my way and I started to lose a bit of faith in God and myself. I began to think, “What’s the point in trying anymore?”

Philippians 1:12-14 talks about Paul being in chains for preaching the gospel and that it brought him joy. The word of God was spreading to those around him and it was also encouraging the saints, giving them boldness and zeal.

It dawned on me that God never promised a pain-free life. However, we can find great joy and peace with the right outlook if we are able to view situations through our spiritual eyes rather than our worldly. Maybe I feel I am not catching a break because I am viewing things through the wrong eyes. God is around me working in, on, and through me and maybe someday I can use what I have learned and experienced to help others thus bringing glory to God.

Never Enough

2009-09-25T14:46:00.000-07:00

Simply Youth Ministries

2009-09-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

GRACE

2009-09-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

Church was pretty good today... Is it only me or do we tend to take things for granted and sometimes forget the real meaning of something? Day after day it seems that I have forgotten about the grace of god. Sure I pray all the time and thank Him for His grace but what does that mean for me? If I was truly accepting grace then why is it I feel the the way I do about others? Shouldn't I be passing along grace to them, giving the same considerations that God has given me? I deserve hell yet God has given me eternal life in heaven - that is grace. I deserve death yet God has given me life - that is grace. I deserve to be imprisoned and yet I am free - that is grace.

Shouldn't I show my ex-wife some grace? I was thinking today that she has had a tough life, granted she blames me for it all even though I only was with her a 4 years but a lot happed during that time. She basically lost both of her parents and the relationship was always taxed. Our time together was very difficult. We were constantly in a struggle to be in control and there was no peace or love.

Okay so maybe things aren't going the way I hoped for Madalyn and maybe I don't approve of what she is being exposed to nor my ex's lifestyle but I have to put my trust in God and give her over to Him AGAIN and AGAIN (as many times as it takes).

May God soften my heart with compassion and love for my ex. May I show her GRACE as God shows me grace on a daily basis.

Why do we (maybe it is just me) complicate matters so? Could it be that happiness, faith, trust, love, compassion, etc. are as easy as stepping out and claiming it. Like a vacant chair just waiting for someone to step out and take a seat. For some reason I don't feel I deserve it so I don't... But then if I did deserve it that wouldn't be grace, would it...

Stranger Than Fiction

2009-09-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

Insect and Flower Pictures

2009-09-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Here are some close-up and cropped pictures of the flower garden I went to several weeks back. Nothing real spectacular. There was this black and white wasp I was chasing around. He was the coolest insect, I wish I could of got a picture but he gave me the slip.

The Power of God?

2009-09-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Just recently I was sitting in my quiet home with thoughts running through my mind that really should not be there. I spent 20 minutes daydreaming/fantisizing of ways to get custody of Madalyn (most of which were... lets just say BAD). Matter of fact I have been spending way to much time with these kind of thoughts on my mind the past few days.

Now before everyone calls me crazy let me first say, "I know I am."

Here's what really bothers me right now - Where is God? What is He doing? Is Madalyn simply going to be another victim of this fallen world? Aren't any of my prayers in line with the will of God?

God please give me a sign, grant me wisdom, lead me, HELP, what should I do? - These are all daily requests but all I seem to get is silence.

So I start reading the bible for answers hoping to change what is on my mind and I get about 10 seconds into 2 Timothy chapter 3. It lists all the godlessness in the last days but what really struck me was verse 5 "having a form of goliness but denying its power."

This sentence stopped me in my tracks. Is this me? To be honest I have lost a lot of hope and belief in the power of God. Is this the reason my prayers are unfruitful is because of my lack of FAITH? And because of my lack of faith my mind is screaming of ways to be victorious.

There is much for me to ponder here....

May God restore my faith and trust.