Recently I have come to the conclusion that I am a “worrier”. The past year has shown me that I am powerless over almost everything in my life. Things happen for better or worse and I finally have gotten it through my thick head that worrying is not going to do me any good. From here on out it is about P.M.A. (positive mental attitude).

Madalyn is the most important person in my life and my effectiveness as a dad is hindered if all I do is worry. My childhood was not perfect and I too came from a broken family, sure I have some issues but I have turned out okay and the best thing of all is I have relationship with God. If I can raise Madalyn with God in the center I know she will be okay, even with the outside influences that I have no control over.


Anonymous said...

Jason, It's a matter of perspective. God is enabling you to see what He goes through with us by allowing you the the blessing of "earthly parenting" Did you know that He doesn't have grandchildren? (just learned this too) You,as an earthly father, are given the responsiblity of showing her your heavely father's love too. Don't let that worry you. He uses all thing for His good. You may want to look up some verses and post them in various places to encourage you on this "Christian Single Dad" journey. A decent site to search for is "God's Yellow pages" You are not alone. It's 2am, I awoke with concerns to share with God. He told me to encourage you, to remind me of how far He's brought me. Thank you for sharing and allowing God to use you to bless me. C.

Jason said...

Hi C. I really appreciate your comment and I agree with that God uses all things for His good but I struggle with not knowing what that end result is... For example. I worry a lot over Madalyn when she is with her mother. I know her mother loves her but she continues to make decisions that I don't agree with. She has currently shacked up with someone she met a couple months ago in a bar so she could save money. She would not give me any information about him.

Before I know it I am having this outer body experience watching this maniac yelling over the phone, that would be me. I was just so pissed that Madalyn was staying there. My mind wondered and wondered about the terrible things that could happen to her.

I feel like I am having a hard time teaching her of God because her mom is no longer a Christian and I worry about the sin that Madalyn is exposed too. But I am powerless and God has not removed Madalyn from that situation. What could the "good" be? I love that kid more than anything in this world and I am still angry at times that I don't get everyday with her. I know it is not God's fault but I do struggle.

My living in fear of "what ifs" was keeping away from what God has for me. I pray He will open my eyes and help me to see.

I will check out the resources you listed, I should have any trouble posting notes... I am a post it king, actually I am a dry erase marker guy. I have white boards in 2 rooms, one is a wall and I write all over my mirrors.

Thanks for your very needed prayers. I know there is a purpose in all of this!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jason, C. again.I understand where your coming from. Sometimes you are better off not knowing but trusting in God and the hedge of protection only He can but around Madalyn when your not....when she's at school/daycare, visiting grandparents, or out of your split second eyesight the unfortunate can happen. God knows how much I wanted to put my son in a bubble and protect him from the world, but we are to live in the world not of the world. This will build you confidence in your walk with Christ, by excerizing. Like a muscle, faith doen't get strong unless you push it to it's limit and exhaust it to the point of fatigue before you let it rest and build. I recomended your blog to a friend of mine in Pa who's situation and little girl's age are very simular to your. I pray you two can encourage each other. The hardest part of the situation I went through and you are going through is not too keep yourself too busy to keep from thinking about the "what ifs". It seemed like the more alone time I had and tried to hear what God was telling me the more I heard the enemy whispering the "what ifs" in my ear. I tried drowning my single time with every ministry I could get involved in when I wasn't with him to avoid alone time. I figured I was doing God's work so that should have been doing what he wanted, right? Getting laid flat on my back so I had no place too look at but up was how he got my attention, again. He wanted alone time with me. God wanted me to beat on His chest, scream at Him at times. God is so big enough to handle this. Through prayer and scripture reading things began to crystalize. Not to say it is all clear but oh so much clearer than before. In His grace, C.

Jason said...

C, it is obvious you have much wisdom and your comments are right on. Much I have thought before but for some reason things don't take until someone else reminds me of them.

I have thought that something could easily happen to Madalyn anywhere at any time. God has a will for her and you are right, I NEED FAITH.

I don't have any muscle but I do like to eat so I will envision feeding myself as nourishing my faith. (I am trying to be funny, I am more corny than anything.) Probably why my wife left me ;-)

I tend to scream at God at times as well, probably things I shouldn't but I am learning...

God is good to me and I am blessed, and thanks again!

Anonymous said...

Jason, I did laugh a little. Her leaving you wasn't about you. Talk to an older couple in your church, ask what keeps them together or if they have any things that they have to fogive each other for every day. A marriage is of two sinners not just one. Both are suppose to forgive each other. Ask yourself, how this whole human mess can glorify God? Our Bible is full of characters and circumstances that are human messes that God turned around and used to gloify Him. Did you know the book of Job is one of the oldest if not the oldest book of the the Bible? His messy life definately wasn't about him. Would you have started this blog to encourage others going through the same kind of mess if you weren't going through it too? Maybe God is asking you for more, a book perhaps....I wouldn't call it wisdom...I know the pain you are going through. Maybe God let me go through mine so I could encourage you and you could use this blog to encourage somebody else. Kind of a blog/church body life situation???
In His grace, C

Jason said...


I have learned how destructive divorce is and why God says, "He hates divorce." I can see why and it is even worse when there are children involved. I really do hope that God will use this blog to enourage others and everyone that has commented has left something good for others to feed off of. I see it that everyone involved is participating in this sort of ministry.

Can you imagine the problems I am going to have when this kid is a teenager? :-) Stick around!