Misplaced Guilt


I have been doing some serious praying that Madalyn would be with me more while God works on my ex’s heart about her living conditions. (She is on her 3rd live in boyfriend in the past 12 months)

On Mother’s Day she did not come to pick up Madalyn and I come to find out that her car broke down. Because of this I have been able to have several more days with Madalyn and loving it. Things are just so much better, I feel like a better father, I feel less rushed, and more consistent. Overall I feel great but I continue to have this nagging feeling of guilt. Guilt that Madalyn is not able to be with her mom. I wish I could help her and fix her car but that is not my responsibility. My prayer is being answered and I feel guilty and selfish. WHY? Maybe I am selfish, actually I know I am but deep down I really want what is best for Madalyn and I know that is being with both her mom and dad. Eventually, unless God has other plans, she will get her car fixed and things will return to normal and I will be praying for the same things. What is the deal? Am I crazy?


WonderMom said...

You're not crazy. I can tell you from the other side of the fence that I feel the same way. Every time my Ex cancels a visit, it's a combination of relief and guilt. I know my boys need their father, but they need a good father...not...whatever.

I think your feelings are normal. Just keep praying and enjoy the extra time you have. Maybe your ex will enjoy the time as well and decide to be more generous with your parenting time?

Jason said...

My wonderful week with Madalyn came to an end, mom picked her up. I love being a dad and it amazes me how different things are when you can be consistent in your child's life. It is very rewarding. I am learning to be thankful for what I get and have, it sure helps.

Anonymous said...

Being a Christian you should know that guilt comes from Satan. Unless of course you are praying with wrong motives. You wrote that the best thing for your daughter would to be with you and your wife. That would be best. How bout praying for your wife to come home. That the Lord would bring her to her senses. It is obvious that she is struggling. Three men in a given year. I don't know if your wife was a Christian. If she was. The torment and turmoil is amazing. She is trying so hard to find something in other men. That she needs so desperately from the Lord. You can harden your heart to your wife. That is what Satan wants. Or you can pray for your wife and child. That woman will always be your wife. I have read some of your blogs. Where you hope God will bring you the woman he wants you to be with. He did and she is dying spiritually, right now. If you disagree with this. Find me the remarriage clause in the bible. You won't find one. I'm sure you can find the exception clause, for divorce. This isn't some on speaking from some ivory tower. My wife left me a year ago. I have a daughter your age. My wife left for another man. I have been called to stand, for my marriage. I see all your struggles and thank God. That he called me to stand. If my wife's vehicle broke down. I would help if she let me. That is my wife. Today, tomorrow, until I die. Seek the Lord and he will show his will. Seek the Lord and he will provide everything.

Anonymous said...

Jason, you're in my prayers....sorry I haven't been in the blogging world very much lately. Concentrate on being the dad that God wants you to be to Madalyn and the friend that God wants you to be to your ex. I know it's tough, but only God can make the changes in her.

Jason said...

Praying for my ex has become part of my life lately. I do pray that God would convict her heart and I know that my motives are self serving because I want my daughter all the time.

As for praying for her back, that most likely will never happen. At this point I would rather die alone than have her as my wife. God has freed me from that relationship and I hope I never have to go back. The last thing I want is to be married to a lier and cheater with a victim mentality. That may seem a bit harsh but when her divorce papers were final the marriage bond between us was cut. Biblically I am free to marry but any man that marries her is an adulterer.

As for financially bailing her out I believe that if I do that then she will never learn and God needs to work on her. God doesn't need me to give her money if He wants her car fixed.

Anonymous said...

You cant be serious. You are free but your wife would live out the remainder of her life in adultery? You blog as a christian. Yet I find our basic Christian principles missing. "I pray for my wife to be convicted" Why, what for? I'm sure she lives in guilt, fear and shame every day. Jesus promised to leave the 99 to go get his lost sheep. If your wife was a Christian. She is now a prodigal. Who the Lord is calling back every day. Having read some of your blog. You say the Lord has touched your life. I ponder, to what extent. How does your heart not break for the woman you pledged your life to. Why would you not be burdened for her soul? To slander her as a liar and a cheater. Aren't we all? Don't we all come short. Or maybe it is just our wives. Christ died for all of us, including your wife. By the way there is no remarriage clause in the bible. In Corinthians, Paul writes about letting your spouse go. In all his writing, there is no acceptance or allowance of remarriage. He writes we are bound till death. You could be the exception. The Lord may have freed just you. Completely ignoring his own word. I doubt that. You wrote biblically your free. Give us book and chapter. Your response about not helping her. I have seen other blogs of yours where you question giving money to cover expenses with your child. Its your belief God doesn't want you to help her. All I can write is "Wow". God doesn't need you to teach her anything. He doesn't need you for anything. If our Lord can give Paul a Damuscus Road experience. Take Jonah to Nineveh against his will. He really doesn't need you to give any lessons. The prodigal made it to the pig pen. With out his father giving him lessons. I do try to help my wife out. Why, because its not my money. The Lord allows me to be a steward of his money. Not the other way around. Jesus told us to bless our enemies, not to inflict upon them. Revenge is his, not ours. I see where you write about fearing your wife. Over 100 times in the bible it says not to fear. You wont find remarriage in the bible. You will find Hosea and David. Hosea took back his adulterous wife. David took back Michal after she had married some one else. I can understand you not wanting her back. I do believe that the Lord. Does not require you to take her back, because of the hardness of YOUR heart. Because you are blogging and airing out to the whole world about your wife and her sins. It looks pretty hard. Now after all that diatribe. Jason, I pray the best for you and your family. I know how horrible divorce is. I can understand not wanting your wife back. I know a lot of wonderful marriages. Where both spouses come from divorce. Not one of these people, say God freed them. They know it is because of the hardness of their hearts. I also miss typed my last message. My daughter is the same age as yours. It is amazing to have a little girl who loves her Daddy. The best blessing you have provided. Is a stable home and not having some one else in your life. She doesn't need to compete. You have been a good father. May the Lord's grace abound in your life.

Jason said...

I've heard it before and there is no special exception for myself. I know I am a major sinner and this blog is my outlet. I don't claim to be a perfect christian or even a good one. I am what I am, as Popeye would say.

My prayer for my wife is no different than my prayer for myself. I don't desire our child to be living in a sinful situation and whether my ex lives in guilt or not that is her choice. She is simply the mother of our daughter and that is it, no more no less.

Just because the bible doesn't talk about remarriage doen't mean that it isn't allowable. Divorce is a sin not remarriage and definately not remarriage to someone other than your ex.

Here is some scripture

"Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matthew 19:9; see also Matthew 5:31, 32).

I don't know why it would be okay for a Christian to remarry if their unbelieving partner left and not be okay for a Christian to remarry if their believing partner left. (As 1 Corinthians 7 discusses)

Here is a link on divorce and remarriage it may be worth checking out

HereAs for me being FREED - That is exactly what the divorce did, freed me. I am not obligated to my ex in any way shape or form, and I believe that to be the biblical truth.

Anonymous said...

You referenced 1 Corinthians 7. Go to 7:27. That verse is as black and white as it gets. Your divorce did not free you. You will always have a soul tie to that woman. You will always be connected to her. She is your one flesh. That's why divorce sucks so bad. You are free to marry some one else. Just use sound doctrine. It wont be a godsend. The Lord wont send you te perfect woman for you. He would be breaking his own covenant. Which is impossible. "The Lord is not a man that he should lie" No where in scripture is that even inferred, that he would provide a second or third wife. Airing out the sins of your wife. To the whole world via web isn't very sound either. "If your enemy is thirsty give them something to drink. So that coals may be heaped on their heads. For revenge is the Lords." I stand firm on 1 Corinthians 7:27.

Jason said...

Personally, I think you are reading way more into the 1 Corinthians. As for "If your enemy is thirsty give them something to drink. So that coals may be heaped on their heads. For revenge is the Lords." I believe that would be towards unbelievers. If you are a believer God says to turn him over to satan that their soul would be saved, not to enable them to continue to live in sin. 1 Corinthians 5:5

I am sorry but I can't find anywhere that the bible says remarriage is a sin, if it is luckily it isn't the unforgivable sin.

Wish you the best.