How Much Stress is Too Much
I have been really quiet lately hoping things would work out with custody with Madalyn. I t seems like I get a step ahead, something happens and I am either back to where I started or what feels like farther behind.
A couple weeks ago I hired a lawyer to help modify our custody paperwork... That night, she dropped Madalyn off asking me to give her $500 and she would leave town and never look back. Of course this being absurd I said "no" but did give her some gas money to get to her sisters. Nearly 2 weeks later she pops back and goes and picks Madalyn up from daycare while I am at work. I am just so stressed and to be quite honest I can't tell if I am on the verge of too much stress. I am going to be completely gray by the time I am 40 and I constantly take deep breaths trying to relieve tension. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I am going broke by paying for expenses and paying child support when I tend to have custody of Madalyn most of the time. My ex isn't working and chooses not too.
Every time I get Madalyn I have to get her back on a routine and it takes days before she settles, just in time to go back to chaos. My heart is breaking and I feel that God isn't working fast enough! I pray and pray that this ends soon and it really isn't about me, it is about Madalyn. I wish God would open her mom's eyes to what she is doing and allow me primary custody. And to be honest that even scares the crap out of me but Madalyn has to come first.
A couple weeks ago I hired a lawyer to help modify our custody paperwork... That night, she dropped Madalyn off asking me to give her $500 and she would leave town and never look back. Of course this being absurd I said "no" but did give her some gas money to get to her sisters. Nearly 2 weeks later she pops back and goes and picks Madalyn up from daycare while I am at work. I am just so stressed and to be quite honest I can't tell if I am on the verge of too much stress. I am going to be completely gray by the time I am 40 and I constantly take deep breaths trying to relieve tension. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I am going broke by paying for expenses and paying child support when I tend to have custody of Madalyn most of the time. My ex isn't working and chooses not too.
Every time I get Madalyn I have to get her back on a routine and it takes days before she settles, just in time to go back to chaos. My heart is breaking and I feel that God isn't working fast enough! I pray and pray that this ends soon and it really isn't about me, it is about Madalyn. I wish God would open her mom's eyes to what she is doing and allow me primary custody. And to be honest that even scares the crap out of me but Madalyn has to come first.
6 comments:
I can't say I've been there, but I can imagine it would be difficult. Praying for you and Madalyn's mom. It's a tough spot as a mom, there is a major pride thing involved, even if your not the best mom. From that standpoint, I can understand. It's not easy, and I'd hate to say that it'll all work out, because it may not appear to be. God has it in his hand.
I keep telling myself it will work out but it is so hard at times because it seems like one day everything is going so well and I can see God working. Then all of a sudden I am back to where I started, of course Madalyn in the middle. But I can't give up, the last thing I want is to hurt Madalyn's mom. I am doing this for the kid so she can have a stable home environment. I sometimes feel that God is punishing me... I just wish things would hurry a long or at least progress to a state where I have a bit of control and peace.
Many deep breaths....
It's really hard. Stress makes us physically and mentally sick. I've learned once that we should never tolerate stress as this becomes us. We should breath every now and then. Besides, there's nothing in life that can make us sorry but ourselves. Thanks for sharing. By the way, these best gifts that you could give your better-half might interest you too. Thanks and have a nice and fulfilling day.
Dear God, I have been where Jason is struggling to have enough faith in you to allow you to show your strength and power. I pray that you will calm his heart, and bring a peaceful resolution to this situation that will make for a happy and healthy childhood for his little girl. Your will be done! ~Amen
Jason, I don't even know you, and honestly can't relate to the agony of what you are facing with custody, but I will continue to lift you up in prayer. I do believe that God doesn't wish for your daughter to a victim of this fallen world, and will protect her. Keep up your fight for her and what is right...gray hair is a small price to pay. ;)
Hello Jason;
It has been a little while. I am sorry things are going so crazy for you and your precious daughter. I do have a few questions. Is her mother leaving her with you for extended periods that are unplanned or unscheduled? Are you paying all the day care expenses? Have you considered that the next time she brings you daughter and just leaves find a new day care provider and instruct them no one is too take you daughter but you. Then when you ex come to town you can have an orderly exchange. Also you need to keep track of every night that you daughter sleeps in you house. if it exceeds 35% of the overnights, then you need to have child support modified. You need to let the evaluators know that mom is doing this flaky behaviour, you attny should know the best approach.
I am praying for you Jason, It is so tough, I look back on my 4 year battle and relize all the was wasted. It is a shame but the relationship I am now enjoying with my DD was so worth it.
I recenttly help her understand place values in math and it was so exciting for me. I can not imagine life without her now. Keep up the good fight. God is not slack as some count slackness, He is long suffering desiring that all would come to Himself.
I have learned to document most things and the time I have Madalyn is not scheduled. Usually I get a call in the middle of the night saying to come get her or she is on the way over to drop her off for one reason or another. I have accepted that CHAOS is my way and if I don't get used to it I will be in a padded white room. Madalyn is Gods and I am powerless.
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