Does Your Marriage Need an Adjustment - Cont


Continuing with this theme from Dr Hornell Hart we will begin part 2 of this riveting series.

When in a relationship it is important to find ways to do new fun things together, even if they seem trivial. Part 1 of this series basically discussed the negative. To take the positive approach – surprise your mate with a gift from time to time. Make a private list of the small things that please your mate the most and make a habit of giving.

Whenever possible have children deliberately when you both agree. Have as many as you and your mate wholeheartedly agree on. Give your kids the best you can which include; faith, self-respect, courage, and the desire to serve others.

Make it a point to understand your mate. Do this as if your life depended on it! Your married life and happiness do depend on it. Understanding one’s wife or husband is far more important than earning a college degree or getting that new car. A good way to go about this is to spend quiet alone time thinking about your mate. What have been their great emotional experiences in life? What drives them and determines their way of acting? What are their deepest aspirations and longings? When this is done correctly the rewards are fulfilling and great. This step may take help, consider marriage counseling, books and magazine articles.

Honestly and frankly discuss family problems without the endless arguing. Bring things into the open. Try to understand one another and don’t rehash issues to the point where you both are weary and rebellious. Marriage is a partnership, not a debating society.

Discover and explore areas of agreement. Develop programs and goals that you can work together enthusiastically. In the back of disagreements lies a deeper agreement if you will seek it patiently and lovingly. This applies to small and big issues.

Surrender the nonessentials. Many marriages have gone bad because people cling to matters of principle instead of focusing on the underlying essentials.

Agree to live and let live. Cultivate freedom for your mate and children. You need to be your own person. The better we understand each other and the laws of life, the more likely we are to find that freedom which brings the fullness of joy. We never fully win the love of the ones dear to us until we cease demanding it.

Put your family first and stop fretting about yourself. Although this rule is at the end of this post it really comes first in the search for fulfillment of personality in family life. What do you really want from your mate and children? Are you after security, comfort, affection for yourself? Or do you want, above all things, that your family find the road to an abundant life where they will richly and fully grow until they find their true places in this world?

If you can answer the above question honestly, live up to your decision and with all your heart seek the joy of those around you. Your love will be met with love and even out of anguish you will win your way into the meaning and the glory of existence.