Full-Time Dad


For over a year now I have had 50% custody of Madalyn, actually more than that because my ex would often not be able to do her part. I have patiently waited for the opportunity to take full custody of Madalyn and it looks like that time is here. My ex has informed me that she can no longer provide for her daughter. All of her other children are at their father’s homes and now Madalyn will be at my home for the majority of the time.

I have watched my ex make poor decisions since deciding to divorce and pursue the “night life” along with various relationships. She has charged all her credit cards up, quit her job and now is going to have to live in a shelter. I am in shock and overwhelmed with pity for her and my little girl. Looking at my ex I can’t believe I ever felt anything for such a person and now she sinks to new lows.

I worry for Madalyn, she goes through one thing after another with this selfish, childish mother of hers. I only hope that I will be able to use this to my advantage and limit her exposure to her mother. I hope that I will be able to provide all that Madalyn needs and be able to handle this huge responsibility that I have been blessed with.


Don said...


I am raising a son I adopted after becoming his foster parent just about four years ago. He comes from the same sort of childish and selfish "environment" your ex has created. Thank God you have your daughter out of there this early in her life. My son was 11 when I took him into my home. His one year-old brother (at the time) was placed with his paternal grandparents. What a huge difference there is between these boys. The younger child, at Christmas, felt so good about giving his older brother a gift (however inappropriate it was, but he's five and wanted to GIVE). My son, on the other hand, never even thought to get his own brother a gift. Fortunately, I saw it happening and made sure there was one from "us." To be truthful, all my son, at the age of 15, could worry about was what HE was getting from everyone else.

The difference between the "giver" and the "taker" here, I believe, is how early they were removed from that very selfish way of life. The younger boy has had a chance to learn how to give. The older, my son, takes, which is what he was taught to do from birth to the age of 11. It's not easy reprogramming them.

When he showed his disapproval of the gift his five year-old brother selected for him, I reminded him that the boy is five, and picked that gift out for his big brother all by himself, which is more than the big brother did for him.

We'll see if next Christmas is any different.

Jason said...

Don, thanks for the encouragement. I am nervous and I can see the way Madalyn acts out sometimes to be very hurtful sometimes. I know she is only 3 but there are things that I think are due to her environment.

I hope to have things legalized soon with the change in custody it is hard though because I know she loves her mom and misses her but her mom made the choices she did and now we all suffer from them.

Hopefully I will have the wisdom to prevail and the patience to raise Madalyn the best I can.

She is likes to share, just as long as she is sharing my treats, ha-ha!

Don said...

That's funny! She is three, though, and stepping into her life as her full-time caregiver NOW will make all the difference for her.

You're doing the right thing, brother. This will make the difference in whether Madalyn turns out to be like you... or her mother. While I don't know any of you, it appears that the one making the wisest choices here is you, and she should learn how to MAKE choices from the parent who can make good ones.

I would monitor what she's exposed to as far as the mother goes once custody is finalized.

I'm here if you need a sounding board. Single parenting is tough on guys. Single moms sure know how to make it look easy!

Jason said...

I'll tell you what Don, moms sure do make it look easy. I could not of said it better.

Lately I have been thinking the very thing and I have a deep appreciation for those women that do it all on their own and I pitty the men that don't take part in their kids lives.

Madalyn has been the biggest blessing I could ever receive and hope for.

The tide has turned lately, my ex has accused me of being opportunistic and has taken Madalyn back. I will let God work things out in His time but for now I will continue with the process and pray that my ex receives the healing and help she needs. There is nothing more that would bring joy to my heart is to see Madalyn's mom truly be there for her kid.