Keep on Trying


I find it fascinating that the harder I try to have a positive mental attitude the worse I am. I have a good job, yet I no longer enjoy it. Going to work seems to take more out of me and when I am there I tend to think on starting my own home business. I really enjoy working at home, reading, and learning but it doesn’t pay the bills. If anything it gets me a pizza a couple times a month. I guess it is simply a hobby at this point.

Driving in my car is a hassle, a trip to the grocery store gets me cut off once, an anxious parker almost hits me going into the stall and my fast food order was wrong when I got home. I know things happen and I can roll with the punches like any other but it seems worse lately. To make matter worse I have not been handling the negative in a positive way which in turn makes me feel guilty… Some one please shoot me NOW! Okay just teasing.

It is the same in my spiritual life. The more I desire to draw closer to God it seems the farther I get. Somehow I must be sabotaging my efforts and creating a self fulfilling prophesy that is bringing me down.

Here’s to tomorrow!


Anonymous said...

Hang in there! I speak as one who really does "get it." I know that while at work I am expected to give 200%... and not performing above the standard is not considered an option. They don't really care about the problems I am facing as someone newly divorced (and raising 2 beautiful kids). I must maintain a positive attitude at all times. I have become quite the actress...sometimes.

As far as everything going wrong and struggling to stay positive...just try to take it one day at a time. That's about the best I can advise. It can be so very difficult and I often feel as if no one in the whole wide world could possibly understand how hard this is. Don't give up. It is sure to get better (for both of us) eventually.

Yes, with God I struggle to do the things I should (daily quiet time/Bible readings). But I find myself frustrated with God at times. (Is it ok to admit that?) I wish he had performed some type of magical transformation on my ex so that we could have the "happily ever after" that I craved. Now I must learn to live with a new type of "happily (hopefully) ever after." I am sure God understands my feelings better than I do. I pray he will be with us both as we take life one day (or even one moment) at a time. God Bless.

- Someone who understands

Jason said...

Someone who understands,

I don't think I could of said what you said any better. Actually it sounds like something I would tell a friend going through similar circumstances. For me it is easy to help others but I hold myself to a set of standards that keep me from taking my own advice.

I feel like Paul when he writes in Romans 7:15. "For what I am doing, I do not understand: for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate."

I have gotten a lot better over the past year or so because I have come to realize what God's grace really means. I just get discouraged because I want to be the most loving man and yet I find myself reacting in a less than loving way sometimes.

I am sure we all do and I need to change some of my beliefs, one of which is that I have to be perfect. I know I can't be but I feel I must. Everything I do reflects on God and I don't want to blow it. Which ofcourse I will and I need to accept that...

The happily ever after syndrome. I have that too. I have desired the relationship of "the woman" for me almost 10 years now and I don't understand why it hasn't happened yet. I think that is what I gripe about to God the most. As you say HOPEFULLY.

God bless and thank you so much. We are going to get through this, one day at a time. We are going to be successful and fulfilled. We are going to have our happily ever after!