Understanding Little Girls


A couple weeks ago Madalyn and I were talking about something, I forget what, but we started to discuss necklaces. I told her I could make her a nice one if she wanted and of course she was excited and wanted me too. Right then and there! It took me a week to really get it done and I told her it was ready, (she sounded so excited). So she comes over to my home and I present it to her. We put it on and 10 minutes later it has to come off…

So here is my dilemma, she brings over a necklace she received from her mom and it was one of those ones you get in a happy meal or something. This necklace she had to wear all the time, not to mention she wanted to sleep with it. It is like this with other knickknacks too. It seems that when I present her with gifts it is no big deal but when they come from here mom it is like WOW, “can’t go without.”

WHY is that?

BTW just call me MR. SENSITIVE!!


Anonymous said...

Dear Single Dad,

I can certainly relate to what you are feeling. My boys definitly idolize their father...and want to be just like him (which is particularly terrifying). They are with me more than they are with him so that anything he does seems "special".

Part of the problem you have been facing may come from the fact that little girls want to grow up to be like their moms...just like my boys want to grow up to be like daddy.

Also, I think sometimes kids tend to gravitate more toward the parent who is less loving and supportive. It doesn't quite make sense...I know! But that is how I was when I was young. It was all about earning the love and approval of the less stable parent. The stable parent I already knew I could count on.

I don't know if any of this applies to your situation...

At the end of the day it is important to remember that Madalyn will only have one Daddy...and you are it (smile)! So hang in there and know that even when she doesn't show it she loves you for spending time with her, taking care of her, playing with her, and most of all - for loving her and always being there for her. No one else in this world can ever take your place.

God bless,
Someone who understands

Jason said...

Mr. Sensitive Here,

I have often wondered if what you are saying could be true. I sit back and watch this little girl just get so excited about her mom. Which is fine but she just doesn't do the same with me. Its like "oh, you again dad."

Her mom has moved several times over the past year and from what I can gather there is not that much consistency in her life. I know she loves Madalyn but she needs to get her life in order. I know she tries but in my mind Madalyn doesn't need to be going from boyfriend's house to boyfriend's house when I have a home for her with me...

Every now and then when I am... we'll just say being very humble, I tend to get my wish and Madalyn is home with me most of the time but something happens and her mom takes her away. It seems like the past few years I have been a yo-yo for someone elses amusement.

But for now I am HAPPY! I see my little girl more and more. I feel sorry for her mom but she put herself where she is at and I only pray to be there for Madalyn when she grows up and I hope she will know that I will be there always for her, NO Matter What.

Sorry, I started rambling. God Bless You and your family!

Anonymous said...

Dear Single Dad,

I definitely agree that no child should be bounced from home to home...especially when boyfriends are involved. That is no life for a precious little girl. I am so sorry that she is going through this. Yet, I am so grateful that she has you to be a solid, dependable, loving presence in her life. (I know so many children who have no one there for them.)

My boys are also exposed to horrible situations while in their father's care. And there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Arguing about it only worsens the situation. When I back off and try to get along with him he takes less interest in picking up the children...which is in their best interest.

I am so happy that you are getting more time with Madalyn. Hang on to the necklace you made for her..she will cherish it someday (smile).

God Bless,
Someone who understands

Jason said...

I find it interesting that my friends and co-workers sometimes ridicule for me always giving in or being so nice to my ex. Sure I don't want to be sometimes but the reward of being with Madalyn is far greater than them perceiving I am spineless...

I also consider this:

"If your enemies are hungry, give them bread to eat; and if they are thirsty, give them water to drink; for you will heap coals of fire on their heads, and the LORD will reward you." (Proverbs 25:21-22)

Anonymous said...

I am a 62 YO grandmother of 2 now, but I raised 2 little girls
by myself. They were 1 week old and 5 years old when their father left. It was really hard. What I learned is similar to "anonymous"'s comment - whatever
they get from the absent parent is
precious because they got so
little from him - so little attention, so little time, so little interest! We know they
love the ones they live with, and
we have to be satisfied with that,
but sometimes it really hurts to see our gifts take second place. It
also hurts to see how much the child yearns for that other parent when you are really the responsible one - functioning more like BOTH parents by trying to look
out for what's best for her instead of focusing on being her "best friend". One of the things that you need to
remember is that you are making
memories every day. She may have
a fairy tale image of how she would
like her mother to be, but she has
REAL LIFE memories of all the time
she spends with you. Even the bad
times - because you hug her and tell her you love her when the
bad things happen - can be good
memories of you. Please try to
remember to laugh hard at the
tiniest things and to do silly
things to make her laugh. That is so healthy. Most of us take life
too seriously. It IS serious, but
we can't survive without a sense of humor. My grown children still
like to laugh about the time I made
a chicken pie and forgot the chicken and had to cut a hole in the top crust and stuff the chicken in the middle of it. They also laugh about the time Mom had washed the dog in the tub and then
had to get dressed in a hurry for
evening shift and Mom took a bath with the bar of flea soap that was still on the side of the tub! That was a small crisis then, but now
it makes a great story. Parenting
is the hardest job you'll ever do, but it is also the most rewarding.
I wish you and Madalyn the best of everything, and I will add you both to my morning prayers.

Jason said...

Grandmother, wonderful storiess you have there, thanks. I do cherish the memories I have with Madalyn.

I especially enjoy our mornings before I take her to daycare. I let her sleep till we have to leave pretty much but when I wake her up it is with the cat's tail and hugs and kisses sometimes a little tickle here and there. After a bit I look at her face and she is grinning even though her eyes are closed. I know she loves it because she continues to pretend to be asleep so I keep doing it. It is so cute watching a 3-year old try to "fake it". It makes me laugh just thinking about it...