Parenting Style Under Fire


Recently my parenting style has been under fire by my ex. I understand the need for good communication and consistency for Madalyn but the issues that are being brought to my attention seem relatively minor.

I guess to begin with I really don’t have a parenting style… I am doing the best I can and most of it is shooting from the hip. Like a lot of people out there I work full time and work hard to provide for my kid. I make mistakes each and every day but I try.

The past few weeks Madalyn’s mom has not been around much. Madalyn has been living with me full-time and I am truly blessed. During this time “mom” has taken Madalyn to a couple places where her behavior was inappropriate and I got all the blame. Apparently she acted the way she did because of how I interact with her and parent her, at least that is what mom said.

Incident (1) – They were at church and Madalyn was grabbing at a gentleman’s pants. Granted maybe not the best thing she should be doing yet the way I got it was I am to blame because of how I horse around with her. “WHATEVER!” I remember Madalyn doing that to a salesman at the store when I bought my camera. She grabbed his leg and was hiding from me. It startled both of us but I dealt with it and that was it…

Incident (2) – They went to dinner and Madalyn would not sit down and eat. She bothered others and embarrassed mom. Boy don’t I know it. This is one reason why Madalyn and I don’t eat out much. She has a tendency to not be able to sit still. Her and I are working on this and she has gotten better because she knows there will be consequences. Yet the way I got is was it was my fault because I don’t have enough dinnertime structure at home. Like I said before I try and it always seems like there is something that needs to get done so I cram all I can in the time I have. Yes, I eat and watch about 27 minutes of television at the same time. I could use some dinner time and eating out tips if anyone has any.

Honestly, I don’t know how to take it. I am tired of being blamed for everything, yet I should be used to it. I think Madalyn is a wonderful 3 year old little girl. She does have areas that I want to improve on but she is a darn good kid, most of the time. And I think I am doing the best that I can and I really don’t think I should be criticized by a person whom takes part in her daughters life on an inconsistent basis.


Anonymous said...

I’m a single mom of a 3 year old girl myself. I just wanted to share with you that I understand your frustration, and applaud you.

I’ve learned that it is very easy to give advice for a situation you’re not in. Of course it’s simple for Madalyn’s mother to tell you you’re not raising her correctly. It’s always easiest to claim ‘no control’ in a situation.

Please don’t ever doubt that you aren’t doing what is right for your child. You’ve taken on a responsibility that takes an extremely strong soul. You are learning ways to be firm and loving in the exact same moment. Unfortunately, it seems that this is more than you can say for Madalyn’s mother.

I’ve learned that my daughter is much different on the weekends she is with her father than she is during the weeks with me. The important thing is for him to remember he is her father and therefore must teach her also. They joke and play in ways I won’t allow her to play at home. She is allowed to jump on his bed and couch but absolutely not at home with me. She and I have tickle battles and blow zerberts at each other and he thinks zerberts are just gross so she can’t do them around him. The same goes for the rules of home as opposed to the grandparents homes.

My only suggestion is to remind your ex that she is Madalyn’s parent and has every right (and more importantly responsibility) to instruct her daughter in the way it is proper to act in different situations. Madalyn has been in this world for 3 years, you can’t expect her to get it right everyday, I’m 30 and still have to try again every morning.

Jason said...

Thanks for your comment. I think I am doing well with Madalyn and you are right... her mom is Madalyn's parent as well and needs to step up to the plate and take some control.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you...but I think that turning off the tv when you eat with your daughter might help stabilize the time. My daughter is practically addicted to tv at age 4, so I try to minimize her viewing as much as possible. That's a rule that I have to preserve "dinner time". Also, I heard that it develops unhealthy eating habits to watch tv during meals...

Jason said...

I know... Madalyn some days watches the same show over and over again. I offer to take her to the park or go for a walk but all she wants to do is watch "Dora" or something. By the end of the day I am crazy. :-)

Dinner = Table - I got it!