Child Support

Okay I need opinions and if I knew how to do a poll I would but I don't so I will need to rely on comments:

Child support, I pay monthly, which I am fine with it is part of divorce and I know it is going to good use taking care of my precious little girl.

But, I get calls from my ex about paying for hair cuts, clothes, shoes, classes, birthday stuff and what not. For some reason I am expected to pay 1/2 of everything, well not everything but you get the point.

So isn't that what the child support is for? It is so hard for me to say "no" and I am scared to upset my exwife. Yes, I am scared of her because she can be mean and I don't like mean :-(

Help!!

Comments

EmDee said…
Is your wife working?
March 15, 2009 at 9:45 PM
EmDee said…
If your wife is working then she should not ask you for any extra money. You two should have your own birthday celebrations for your child. She pays for hers and you pay for yours.

When you say you are scared of her because she can be mean, are you afraid that she may take anger out on your daughter or try to keep her from seeing you? Is she mean and vicious?

I receive child support and I ask my ex-husband for nothing extra. It's over and I should not be expressing my financial needs to him and neither should she.

Now on the other hand if you see that your little girl needs shoes or a couple of extra outfits then you should buy them. Birthday stuff...absolutely not.
March 15, 2009 at 10:06 PM
Anonymous said…
I have a problem with parents who are so concern about not giving more that their "half". Its had to comment on your situation without knowing the whole story, but children needs may amount more that your "half". Besides, the custodial parent deals with more than "half" of the CARE!

Check out my story, hopefully you will see another side. My Letter to the Judge, THE SYSTEM STINKS: http://itsourrealitymagazine.com/systemstinks.htm
March 16, 2009 at 5:03 PM
Anonymous said…
Christian Single Dad,

There are so many aspects to this that a complete response would be terribly long and full of more opinion than anything else. One thing to consider...is what you are paying in child support reasonable enough for your daughter to have to have her needs met without additional support? How much (or little) you pay has a big impact on this answer.

Also, if there is a need is it discussed prior to the money being spent by mom? In other words, do you agree that 'we' will have a birthday party and each spend x amount? If you are uncomfortable giving extra money to mom maybe you can buy items (like shoes) yourself to be sure that your daughter is getting the benefit of your money.

As for being afraid of the ex - I can't help you much there. I have the same problem. But through a series of events (in which God has shown his merciful love) he is teaching me to not be afraid and to stand up for myself and my kids. Prayer helps, but not always when and how we want it to.

God Bless,
Amanda
March 16, 2009 at 5:19 PM
Anonymous said…
Check your divorce agreement. My divorce agreement says that the monthly child support covers all living expenses and that the only extra things I will need to pay for would be extra-curricular activities, field trips, etc. None of this nickel and dime stuff like haircuts! I totally understand you not wanting to upset your ex but you've got to stand up for yourself to be sure you are not taken advantage of. Good luck man.
March 17, 2009 at 2:14 PM
Jason said…
Wow!! Thanks for all the responses. I am a bit relieved to hear that I am not the only one scared of the ex. I really worry about her taking it out on Madalyn. Madalyn has called me a name or two that she hasn't learned from me.

Right now we have a great arrangement where I don't have to see her. All exchanges are done at daycare and it works out great. There has been some history when I felt I was being set up by her and... well she just can be crazy like at times and I don't know what to do. It is hard to explain. I think she is bipolar but I am not a DR.

Yes, she does work. She used to have a great job makeing about the same as I. We have 50/50 custody with me paying the majority of the major expenses and carrying insurance. But she quit her job and got one paying half as much because she was a bit delusional about her boss but then that is another story as well.

I just feel like I am being nickled and dimed and instead of standing up for myself I give in. To be honest if I were rich I would probably pay her rent so she would not move from place to place.

I do have to make a stand!! It has been almost 2 years and I can't let her continue to have power over me.
March 17, 2009 at 6:28 PM
Marja said…
Came across your blog from another one I read. Just had to add my two cents, for what it's worth. I am a single mom. My ex has 50% custody on paper....and 7% custody in real life. His choice. His support is $350/month for 3 kids due mostly to his lying about custody. I couldn't afford a lawyer and we had agreed to not hiring any lawyers. I stuck to my word, paid for tuition at Calvary, he didn't. I have asked for him to cover 50% of a couple things. One was a shuttle ticket for his son to go visit the ex's brother in Utah. He agreed, but I have yet to see anything. The other thing I have specifically asked for was when I went to fill a perscription for my son and found the insurance was cancelled. My sons meds are a necessity daily, he didn't have one the next day. Ex never paid for the meds, I couldn't afford them either. So, I have asked, I hated asking. I hated feeling like I was still dependent on someone I so desperately wanted to never have to rely on again (I was a SAHM for 8 years). I am just waiting for him to either realize what he's missing with his kids and what his kids miss because he hasn't stepped up...or for him to not tease them with enough father time to see what could be and not enough to benefit anyone. I guess I was hoping he'd show he cared about them.

I recognize the circumstances are very, very different. My thought on how 50/50 custody and support are is exactly that. 50/50. That's why the support is figured at such a lower...whatever you call it! It's lower!

If I was financially able and it was for my kids livelyhood I'd suck it up and do it. Maybe in the form of the actual item, say shoes or a kids cut at great clips, not in cash.

And now that I've shared WAY too much I'll shut up now. And this is an old post anyhow.
June 20, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Jason said…
Mom in Idaho, commenting on old posts is always good. Issues are never really resolved. Life goes on and on and on. I have tried to lighten up a bit. It is easier for me to give money to my ex when I feel she is putting Madalyn first. The times when she isn't I am already in a bad mood anyhow. Heck if I could I would buy my ex a place to live relatively close just so I could feel like Madalyn was well provided for. I just hate being nickel and dimed. I completely agree that our circumstances are different. It is too bad your ex doesn't appreciate his children more. Children are such a blessing.
June 22, 2009 at 12:42 PM
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