How Much Stress is Too Much

I have been really quiet lately hoping things would work out with custody with Madalyn. I t seems like I get a step ahead, something happens and I am either back to where I started or what feels like farther behind.

A couple weeks ago I hired a lawyer to help modify our custody paperwork... That night, she dropped Madalyn off asking me to give her $500 and she would leave town and never look back. Of course this being absurd I said "no" but did give her some gas money to get to her sisters. Nearly 2 weeks later she pops back and goes and picks Madalyn up from daycare while I am at work. I am just so stressed and to be quite honest I can't tell if I am on the verge of too much stress. I am going to be completely gray by the time I am 40 and I constantly take deep breaths trying to relieve tension. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I am going broke by paying for expenses and paying child support when I tend to have custody of Madalyn most of the time. My ex isn't working and chooses not too.

Every time I get Madalyn I have to get her back on a routine and it takes days before she settles, just in time to go back to chaos. My heart is breaking and I feel that God isn't working fast enough! I pray and pray that this ends soon and it really isn't about me, it is about Madalyn. I wish God would open her mom's eyes to what she is doing and allow me primary custody. And to be honest that even scares the crap out of me but Madalyn has to come first.

Comments

Marja said…
I can't say I've been there, but I can imagine it would be difficult. Praying for you and Madalyn's mom. It's a tough spot as a mom, there is a major pride thing involved, even if your not the best mom. From that standpoint, I can understand. It's not easy, and I'd hate to say that it'll all work out, because it may not appear to be. God has it in his hand.
September 15, 2009 at 5:49 AM
Jason said…
I keep telling myself it will work out but it is so hard at times because it seems like one day everything is going so well and I can see God working. Then all of a sudden I am back to where I started, of course Madalyn in the middle. But I can't give up, the last thing I want is to hurt Madalyn's mom. I am doing this for the kid so she can have a stable home environment. I sometimes feel that God is punishing me... I just wish things would hurry a long or at least progress to a state where I have a bit of control and peace.

Many deep breaths....
September 15, 2009 at 2:25 PM
Jane said…
It's really hard. Stress makes us physically and mentally sick. I've learned once that we should never tolerate stress as this becomes us. We should breath every now and then. Besides, there's nothing in life that can make us sorry but ourselves. Thanks for sharing. By the way, these best gifts that you could give your better-half might interest you too. Thanks and have a nice and fulfilling day.
September 16, 2009 at 12:17 AM
Shannon said…
Dear God, I have been where Jason is struggling to have enough faith in you to allow you to show your strength and power. I pray that you will calm his heart, and bring a peaceful resolution to this situation that will make for a happy and healthy childhood for his little girl. Your will be done! ~Amen

Jason, I don't even know you, and honestly can't relate to the agony of what you are facing with custody, but I will continue to lift you up in prayer. I do believe that God doesn't wish for your daughter to a victim of this fallen world, and will protect her. Keep up your fight for her and what is right...gray hair is a small price to pay. ;)
September 19, 2009 at 10:06 AM
Robert said…
Hello Jason;

It has been a little while. I am sorry things are going so crazy for you and your precious daughter. I do have a few questions. Is her mother leaving her with you for extended periods that are unplanned or unscheduled? Are you paying all the day care expenses? Have you considered that the next time she brings you daughter and just leaves find a new day care provider and instruct them no one is too take you daughter but you. Then when you ex come to town you can have an orderly exchange. Also you need to keep track of every night that you daughter sleeps in you house. if it exceeds 35% of the overnights, then you need to have child support modified. You need to let the evaluators know that mom is doing this flaky behaviour, you attny should know the best approach.
I am praying for you Jason, It is so tough, I look back on my 4 year battle and relize all the was wasted. It is a shame but the relationship I am now enjoying with my DD was so worth it.
I recenttly help her understand place values in math and it was so exciting for me. I can not imagine life without her now. Keep up the good fight. God is not slack as some count slackness, He is long suffering desiring that all would come to Himself.
September 20, 2009 at 8:56 AM
Jason said…
I have learned to document most things and the time I have Madalyn is not scheduled. Usually I get a call in the middle of the night saying to come get her or she is on the way over to drop her off for one reason or another. I have accepted that CHAOS is my way and if I don't get used to it I will be in a padded white room. Madalyn is Gods and I am powerless.
September 20, 2009 at 2:30 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Living Single – Feeling Left Out

Last night I attended a church meeting hoping to make some connections. Since my divorce a couple years ago I have struggled with making new contacts and friends. I have noticed that my patience for people has even diminished causing me to isolate myself more than normal. I guess I have lost confidence in others because of the divorce. To be honest I really didn’t pay much thought to it but recently I have begun to examine myself to see if I can figure out what is going on. The meeting was good but unfortunately the group was not what I was looking for. I was surrounded by people in their 20’s and/or families in their 30’s. As a single parent I really feel left out, even more so as a single dad. There seems to be a class or a group for single women but rarely for single dads. I would love a class like that! As a man living single is very hard. I really want to do what is right but I struggle with desires and female companionship. I often pray to God to help me be happy with where I am ...
Read more

Winning Child Custody For Dads

It was several months ago when I decided to file for primary physical custody of Madalyn. Of course I had my reasons but over the years I noticed that it was mostly moms that had custody of the children while dads got visitation every other weekend. To me this was absurd. I knew I had my work cut out for me but I also knew that in my case God was with me. How you ask? Well I prayed for years on whether I should make this move and it took that long for me to clearly see whether or not I was doing this for Madalyn or revenge. Yes, revenge was one of my motives in the beginning. Not very nice I know. Of course I though I had just cause to do it but I didn't want to hurt my little girl if I was just trying to get back at her mom. September of 09 sitting in front of a lawyer explaining what and why I wanted to do I had a peace about me. I can honestly say God was with me and my motives were purely for doing what was best for Madalyn. Even though it took nearly 6 months, and never making...
Read more

Letting Go and Moving On

One of my recent posts talked about everything being quiet between my ex and I. It is kind of funny because I have been doing a lot of praying about being able to see Madalyn more and WHAM! not long after putting the post on my blog I get a call. Mom is not going to be able to get Madalyn for the week. The week ends and I get another call, this time mom is crying, still not going to be able to get Madalyn. Come to find out my ex is having problems with finding affordable living accommodations and paying her bills. This has been going on for several months now but I thought she had it all worked out. Anyhow, Madalyn is with me and I am feeling a little guilty. I know the kid misses her mom and I need to put the kid first. So I invited mom to come get Madalyn and go get her hair cut, go out for ice cream, and then go out to dinner, my treat. You should have seen the kids face when mom showed up at the door. She was so cute and a little shocked. She didn’t know how to respond wi...
Read more